Hiatus

hiatus:  an interruption in time or continuity : break; especially : a period when something (as a program or activity) is suspended or interrupted (source)

I've taken a hiatus from blogging lately. There's lots happening this time of year and I'm thankful to be more involved in the goings-on this time around compared to 2011! Still have much to say, process, and share...so I hope you continue reading/following this blog in 2013.

For now, I'd like to share a holiday greeting with you all:

We wish you a merry Christmas, 

peace in your minds, 

and love in your hearts.

-Laura & Joshua

Do what you love

A friend asked me to participate in a holiday bazaar with her in early November. Before I had much chance to overthink things (which oftentimes leaves me in a place of doubt), I said "Yes!" So glad I did.  :)  Signing up gave us a bonafide excuse to get crafty! It lifted my spirits to know I had something creative to work on and it propelled me through October, which wasn't an easy emotional time for me.

Was it a success? I'd say so.

Early on, this little grasshopper decided to practice something: letting go of expectations. After all, letting go of expectations helps one be in a more peaceful/content mind space. The final tally on sold items or money earned was not the objective. It was all about the experience. (Full disclosure: okay, so I kinda-sorta really hoped to at least make back what I paid to participate in the bazaar, which I did.) I found that I was much more pleased about the whole experience having taken that approach. BTW: Jo seems to have already mastered this life lesson. She's smart like that.

Between the two of us, there were: greeting cards, decoupaged tissue boxes, beaded snowflakes, beaded stars/trees/angels, decoupaged Santa cookie plates/platters, key fobs, felt flower magnets, decoupaged cookie tins, and more.

Laura and Jo ... sittin' at a table ... S-M-I-L-I-N-G!

Jo modeling the snowflakes
...as earrings. She so silly.

The beaded clip display -
in action!

This year's holiday bazaar led to many more creative hours spent in my studio. Artful time gives me peace of mind. Is it odd to say that it reminds me of swimming? -- It does!

When swimming laps in the past, I'd get into a rhythm and have a jingle playing in my head (in a loop) or have some great songs with motivational beats in mind to help keep a consistent pace. My brain somehow mulled things over (factoids for a test, interactions with others that day, the latest and greatest "problem" in my eyes) while I was swimming laps. Sometimes I was purposefully thoughtful; other times not so much. But that time was mine; I was being physical, letting go of stress, thinking things over, coming up with ideas... you get the picture.

Well, same thing when I'm in my studio: I enjoy playing music that matches my creative rhythm on any particular day. On low energy days, music helps me get into the creative mind frame  Other days it helps me stay motivated, masks my tinnitus, gets me excited, reminds me of days past, or allows me to mull things over.

This Huffington Post article shares study results that art therapy and mindfulness training lead to decreased stress in breast cancer patients. And - what the heck - I'll go out on a limb and make the assertion that if it's good for "us" it's probably good for all.

Would I care for another helping of creativity and mindfulness? Yes, please! If it feels as good as it does, allows ideas to percolate, and reduces stress and anxiety...BRING IT ON.

Artsy pics of some of the beaded snowflakes.
These can be used as tree ornaments or winter window decorations.

Card and/or photo clip display sets.

Oct-Nov Pictorial Roundup

October:

We attended the Breasts of Colorado Gala.

CO received its first snowfall (dusting, really) of the season.

.

I attended a gong bath.

Spent some time with BC friends...

...where we discussed the efficacy of ionized foot baths.

Joshua had LASIK surgery.

Eye watched the whole thing. :)

We took an art class together
 and learned about sgraffito -
a ceramic technique that means
'to scrape away.'

Dad visited us for a few days.

Got a massage and a new 'do all at once!

Jo and I let our tagging/graffiti artist
alter egos out to play...

...with water bottle in-hand.

November:

I participated in a holiday bazaar. 

Joshua made a sturdy holder
for the budding bottle tree.

One day the 3 of us sent funny pictures to each other;
Joshua made this wild collage of our faces.

Snuggled with our cuddly cat.
One of my favorite things.

We enjoyed cooking together on Thanksgiving.

What's a better way to recover from turkey overdose
than platefuls of sushi?

Therapy

Never underestimate the power of a great therapist. Or therapists!

Seriously.

Some might shirk at the idea of adding therapy to a "to do" list during a serious illness. However, it's sometimes wise to dive deep into the muck and get a-workin' on some core issues. Sure, it's messy. Yes, it can be uncomfortable. And you are choosing to do the hard work amidst an already stressful and gut-wrenching time in your life.

Still, there are significant benefits in combining therapy appointments with your cancer journey:

• You've got a pro "checking your head" and shepherding your mind through a rough wanna-make-you-crazy kind of situation.
• Situations/people that were once tolerable may be less so; time to learn how to better handle these.
• Boogers in your marriage/relationship(s) lines of communication can be cleared.
• You and your spouse can learn to work better together through a trying time.

Pinktober is Over

This relevant and thoughtful blog post written by Alexis, a BC survivor, really got my wheels turning at the beginning of October. I had in mind doing some sort of blog post about October being breast cancer awareness month, but wasn't sure how to go about it until I read and digested her post. Awareness can be a double-edged sword.

Metastatic breast cancer
awareness ribbon

I'm sure many readers were aware all of last month was dedicated to breast cancer awareness. How many of you also know that Metastatic Breast Cancer Awareness Day was October 13? Do you know what that ribbon looks like? Check it out----->

FYI: metastasis (meh-TAS-tuh-sis): The spread of cancer from one part of the body to another. A tumor formed by cells that have spread is called a “metastatic tumor” or a “metastasis.” The metastatic tumor contains cells that are like those in the original (primary) tumor. The plural form of metastasis is metastases (meh-TAS-tuh-SEEZ). source

Visibility and acceptance of metastatic breast cancer patients is important; they want new treatments that are less toxic and help them live longer. During Pinktober, I can easily see how some of the metastatic breast cancer population feels like the collective "we" have given up on them. After all, what does Pinktober's fundraising really give in the way of support to that subset of breast cancer patients?

Did you know that another type of cancer awareness is also in October? No? (It's liver cancer by the way.) WHY WOULD YOU?!! Everything's gone up in PINK! On Wikipedia, I found a list of ribbon colors and what their awareness meanings are; my head is spinning!

So Pinktober is over...and I'm relieved. It's as though the entire month of October has pinkwashed the world over. And, while it is and has been a fantastic cause (pink ribbons for breast cancer awareness), I believe the message has been received and time, energy, and money could now be arguably better spent on a CURE. Early detection is all good and fine, but it does not equal a cure.

The tip of the rose-colored iceburg:
some pink items, emails, and ridiculousness I ran across in October 2012.
~click to enlarge, some are bound to grip your attention~

I'm appalled at some of the claims of "raising funds for breast cancer research" that some companies use to sell their products. But the most repulsive sales pitch I came across this year was this:

Who thought that was a good idea? Perhaps more importantly...did this sleazy sales schtick actually work? How is it that women will be exploited so that a penny will go for research for every 30 videos men watch? How the heck is this "the most genius initiative to raise money for an important cause"? This is beyond my understanding and tolerance, and is wrong on so many levels.

Even batteries at Home Depot fall prey to the almighty pink.
Thanks, dad, for sending this my way.

Think Before You Pink, a project of Breast Cancer Action, calls for more transparency and accountability by companies that take part in breast cancer fundraising, and encourages consumers to ask critical questions about pink ribbon promotions. Breast Cancer Action is the only national breast cancer organization that does not accept funding from entities that profit from or contribute to cancer, including the pharmaceutical industry.

I encourage you to visit the above links and learn how to become informed about how to make better purchasing decisions by discovering:

• how much money from your purchase goes to support breast cancer programs
• what organization gets the money and how they will use the funds
• if there is a cap on the amount the company will donate
• if this purchase puts you or someone else at risk for exposure to toxins related to breast cancer (or anything else, really!)

That last bullet is a zinger, and you'd be surprised. Then again, maybe not.

What are your thoughts?

Gongs Away!

A month ago today, I attended my first ever gong bath with Ann. It was a unique experience! I'd like to share what I learned about gong baths and some of my observances with you. I'll begin by being upfront with what I thought it would be like - then tell you what it really was like.

What I imagined:

• there would be a ton of gongs there making a bunch of noise - might be good noise; might be bad noise
• there would be lots of granola hippies there
• there might be an uber granola hippie that broke into twirling action during the gong session (think whirling dervishes)     Rach, that reference is for you!
• my ears might not be able to handle the stimulation
• a lot of "energy" speak could happen
• how could I stay still for 90 minutes?
• how could this guy possibly play a gong for 90 minutes??

What I experienced:

There were a handful of hippies there, but nobody quite as airy-fairy as I expected. Okay, except one gal that was pretty spacey and focused on sharing her deep, meaningful experiences (past and present). But this post isn't about her! :) Most folks looked like your average, everyday person. The one thing that you couldn't see that was palpable was that everyone seemed to be there for a reason.

Richard and his gong.

Ann and I got there early to ensure a "good seat" relative to Richard Rudis and his gong setup. "What's a good seat at a gong bath?" I inquired. "Close up!" said Ann. We chose a spot directly behind Richard and his gong. (Truth be told, Ann wanted to semi-spy on Richard during the performance so she could check out his techniques. The sound is also so piercingly crisp up close.) We set up our yoga mats, makeshift pillows, blankets, etc. I learned that the recommended positioning for a gong bath is with your head closest to the gong. As more people came in, they set up their mats in a starburst pattern around Richard.

We used the time before his performance to check out items being sold at the event: Tibetan singing bowls, tingshaws, gantas and vajras, crystals, and special oxygenated water (!). We played every one of the bowls and balked at the prices. We passed the time quickly.

All the lights were turned off before the performance. Richard explained a bit about how his performance would begin, crescendo, and end. And then it began. The tingshaws were used first. Then a singing bowl. Sounds from singing bowls are like chicken noodle soup; they're comforting, warm, and nurturing. They can help settle all the mind chaos and chatter that's bouncing to and fro in your noggin.

HALF of the striking tools used.

Then the gong. Oh, that gong! Who knew a gong could make such a variety of tones and sounds. As you can tell from the pictures here, he had MANY different striking tools to use. It was a cacophony of sounds with the volume waxing and waning. It didn't take long before my brain started floating a sinusoidal path like the gong's sound waves...in and out, high and low, deep relaxation and profound awareness. It was all very cool. (I did have to plug my ears for a few minutes during the ultimate crescendo of the gong.) I imagined that if a gong sound could look like something, it would be a concentric path of sorts.

The other half of the striking tools, a singing bowl
(with a neat fabric cover for transport), and a tingshaw.

The performance came to a close the same way it began; with a singing bowl and the tingshaws. The gong bath concluded with us eating a piece of dark chocolate (70+%) to release endorphins. The entire 90 minutes passed quickly and I felt relaxed and serene afterwards. Would I do it again? -- Absolutely!


More about gong baths:

- If attending a gong bath, you might want to bring:

• a good mat/pad (yoga mat or sleeping/camping pad) lay on - you'll be laying down for the entire experience
• comfortable clothes
• water - always good to stay hydrated
• pillow or other prop for your head - for comfort
• objects to heal - think paper pieces with names of those who need healing, or objects you may want to "cleanse," etc.)
• blanket - your body temperature will decline as you lay there during the experience

- Gong baths are said to positively affect all cells in your body. Sound strange? Check out this video to see and decide for yourself.
- Richard says his gong baths are about empowering people to heal themselves through creating the ground conditions for transformation to occur. The gong helps participants release traumas held in cellular memory and awakens them to an expanded state of consciousness. (Source URL)


More about Richard:
- Read this fairly recent (6/2011) Denver Post article written about Richard, his gong sessions, and how a Buddhist Temple complex changed his life.
- Richard also plays at a place called The Star House in Boulder, CO.

A Reminder

Everyone knows what's being plastered everywhere this month: pink. And you all know why. 'Nuff said. 

Like most people, I tend to be attracted to fun, enjoyable things and shy away from painful stuff. I also like smatterings of cheeky, irreverent stuff too. The video below is a lighthearted (and good looking!) take on breast health. Please watch it (< 2.5 minutes). You can choose to take it one step further and download The Man Reminder app (available on iPhone and Andriod). But really - the best action you can take is to give your breasts some TLC...regularly.

For those of you (female and male) that still have their originals, puh-lease touch, look, and check your boobies! Several times this month, I've ran into several women in the medical field that admit not doing their breast self exams regularly. Why aren't we all more mindful about our own health? Wouldn't it be great to really know your body - so much so that at the first hint of something being "off," you'd recognize it? Being that familiar with your (or your loved one's) boobies can really make a difference, medically speaking.

11 week follow-up

Eleven weeks ago, I had my expanders taken out and my implants put in. I also opted to have my chest port taken out during the surgery. Here's what's going on now:

Yesterday's follow up went really well with my plastic surgeon.

I've healed really well! I am cleared to fly, swim (YAY!), and do pretty much anything without physical restrictions. With the exception of swinging from trees, I can pretty much do anything I'm capable of...while watching for arm/trunk swelling on my radiated (right) side.

I should check my breasts regularly for discoloration, discharge, or any redness/swelling (esp. on radiated side). Being familiar with them - by doing daily massages, stretches, and visual checks - will serve me well because I'll be able to tell if something is awry. After all, it pays to be familiar with your bits and pieces.

PSA: Ladies, have you given yourselves a breast check lately? Please do so! 

The bulk of the appointment (to my surprise) revolved around revision surgery and nipple reconstruction surgery. I'm not wanting to jump into either of those surgeries. First, I want to recover and feel great physically before signing on for more 'fun'.

In other Earth-shattering news, am finding that the more I touch all over my chest and my right underarm/torso/arm sensitive areas, the less they "zing" when touched. Pretty cool. It seemed to help me recover well last time; of course, it also might just be a time thing. But I don't think so! I just might be onto something here.   :)

The Deep Blue

A sunset in Littleton.

The active job of medically "fighting" cancer is over. It's recovery time. Time to gradually build back my strength and to maintain exercise, nutrition, and other health factors in my life.

What an interesting place to be. I've been through the "cancer machine" and now have emerged from the machine a changed person in several ways. Most obviously physically--but mentally, too. What a trip it is to be diagnosed with cancer. It's been an adventure indeed and odd to have been, in some ways, fighting against my own body. After all, my body's errant cells refused to act normally and took their bad behavior as far and as quickly as they could.

Right now, there's a lot going on 'upstairs.' I'm ruminating on what has happened in the last ~2 years... looking at life through changed (aware? experienced?) eyes... wondering what it's going to be like to let go of my latest full-time job: understanding the complexities of cancer... thinking about what I want my life to be like and about... learning... It's deep stuff, these thoughts. Most thoughts are rational; some are not. They ebb and flow. Some thoughts are light in weight and color. Others are deep blue, heavy, and make me feel like I'm sinking.

I've been collecting quotes of various types throughout my life. Throughout this journey, I've found some that speak loudly to me in one way or the other. Here are some that are helping me through some of the deep blue thoughts:

• Why is it that we're so scared to live and yet so afraid to die?
• Try to explore and indulge in the feelings for no more than three days, and then move on. 
• Don't delay the happy.
• Promote what you love.
• You only live once but if you do it right, once is enough.  ~Mae West
• I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.  ~Maya Angelou

In June 2011, getting to this time period (post-surgery, radiation, chemo, etc.) seemed SO far away. I wondered: Do I have what it takes to get through all of what is in front of me? Will I see my next birthday? Will I see my 40th? Why did this happen to me? Will I ever look or feel "normal" again? When will I regain my physical strength? There were/are so many questions, doubts, and mind-bending thoughts back then. Some till exist today; I'd be lying if I said they were all gone.

And yet, here I am.

Emerging during a glorious time of year and doing my best to to take life one day at a time.

An Ode to Autumn

How beautifully leaves grow old. 

How full of light and color are their last days.

-John Burroughs, naturalist