Just Sayin'

Reconstructed boobs take some getting used to. For me, the expanders were easy to accept. I thought it was because of having something on my chest rather than nothing. However, I'm now coming to the conclusion that I accepted the expanders easily because they were an in-between step. They were temporary. They weren't lifelike. They were so fake that they were easy to dismiss - knowing what had yet to come would be better.

Expanders made me feel like a big, bada$ SUV. I had ferocious bumpers. I could bounce off of people and objects with the hardened "bumper" of my boobs. Bonafide hugging can now happen since I'm not bruised and sore. Full frontal hugs are the best - quite different from the Baptist-like expanders that kept space between me and loved ones.

Implants are better; but they're not enough like the real thing to fool me. "Obviously!" some of you might think. I get that - logically. Emotionally, though, it's different. I'm pleased with how I've healed and how I look (compared to what I know is possible) and, let's face it, I'm also happy to pass as "normal" when walking alongside the rest of humanity. Rarely am I completely fooled by my own outward appearance.

Every day begins with lymphatic massage before getting out of bed. When I sit up from a reclined position, I can feel my right side like I'm sunburned - not a skin sunburn, but a skin/muscle/tissue type of sunburn feeling. It's tight and has settled into position overnight. Next up: boob squishes on my radiated side to try to keep the scar tissue from encapsulating my implant.

Some women claim that there does come a time when you don't wake up and think about breast cancer. I'm not so sure that's in the cards for me with the daily-for-the-rest-of-my-life morning routine. It's self care. It's self love. It's a good thing I take time to observe and coach my body. And yet, that care and love I give myself is what sometimes makes my eyes well up with sadness, understanding, appreciation, and realization of what's happened lately in my life.

Not complaining. Just sayin'.

Permahealth

Before I get to permahealth, has anyone heard of permaculture?

permaculture: an agricultural system or method that seeks to integrate human activity with natural surroundings so as to create highly efficient self-sustaining ecosystems (via Merriam-Webster.com)

Seems to me that "permahealth" might be the next catch-phrase for "a system of health that seeks to integrate human health with natural foods and solutions to create a highly efficient, self-sustaining health system"...of sorts! At least that's how I'm coining the word. :)

Joshua and I have sought opportunities for continuous improvement in our marriage...including our habits (of eating, purchasing, etc.). Soon after I was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer, I began seeking alternative health providers to balance out my Western medicine docs and treatments. It was my choice and something I'm glad I researched and pursued.

During my neoadjuvant and adjuvant (before and after mastectomy) chemotherapies, I was particularly hell-bent on focusing my food intake around alkaline (pH-balanced) eating habits. While I wasn't able to do a test on two bodies going through everything at once, I know that changing my habits did NOT negatively effect me. So that leaves two other options:

1. my lifestyle choices did not effect me at all
2. my lifestyle choices positively effected me

I've made the conscious choice to believe in #2.

If nothing else, the changes we've made feel good - and right for us. There are things I notice now when I'm out and about that I didn't before. For example: the heavy smells of perfume and chemicals in stores and on people. I've become used to non-toxic solutions at home and am caught off-guard when bombarded with them outside my home.

I've long wanted to share these changes, baby steps, improvements, and learning opportunities with blog readers. Similar to the Q&A series I did in 2011, I'll be occasionally putting out a "permahealth" update. Please ask questions or share your own experiences by commenting on these posts. I'm curious to know what you all are curious about!!

My hope is that these posts will be informative, educational, and spur you on to make some changes in your own life.

Here's the first tidbit I'd like to share with you all:

Do you know how to de-code the produce at your local market?
From this post at Organics.org.

Healing Mantra

"Healing light illuminates every cell of my body, 

dissolves everything that should be dissolved, 

and builds up what must be built up again."  

--from The Healing Power of Mudras

 By Rajendar Menen

Golden sun rays.
 Moloka'i, HI - 2004

Quotes, Mantras, Affirmations, and Creativity

Throughout my life, I've collected quotes, passages, and images that speak to me. Some are ridiculous, some sarcastic, some motivational, and others just plain neat that "stuck" for whatever reason.

Can't believe I found an old quote board. Wow!

Back in high school, I'd take large poster boards and write quotes all over them, using a variety of colors and changing up the handwriting for more visual interest. - Just like the picture to the right. Those were fun, inspirational, and are like time capsules to look at now. I also used to make big collage boards - for fun, a few are memorialized in this post.

The big breast cancer journey has provided a lot of quotes, mantras, and affirmations (it still does). I've been collecting them - not quite sure how they might be "used."

I'd like to share some here on the Ta-Ta Times blog. Who knows who reads all this. I figure a decent portion of people that read it aren't cancer folk themselves, yet they can still glean information from what I post (or so I like to think!). And for the "others" -- those dealing with chronic illness, the Big C, or just plain ol' hard times, I hope you find these future little snippets comforting and reassuring. I do.

Click pics to zoom - if you dare!

I remember making this one over a year or two.
Slowly but surely, every nook was occupied.
A few remnants have fallen off... 

A few collages.
Their subject matter catapults me back in time.