December 29, 2011

Eve of 2011/2012

Happy New Year's Eve, blog readers and blurkers.

Since about 1999, this day of the year has passed without much pomp and circumstance. This year, we're doing something different: we're getting together with Karen and Kris - a couple that are in our lives now thanks to BC. I met Karen earlier this summer at a Look Good, Feel Better event that...well, that never happened on the day we met. Her mother (Kathy) was with her and my aunt Sandy was with me. Thanks to Kathy suggesting we sit in a room and talk about our experiences, we exchanged "war stores" about our breast cancer experience so far and exchanged contact information. Since then, we've stuck to checking in on each other and meeting up when we're able. I'm excited to share New Year's Eve with Karen, Kris, and some of their friends.

I'm fully aware the coming year will be a continuation of my treatment; still, 2012 holds promise for us. It's exciting to be 6+ months into the BC journey and feeling mentally and physically well. I have a glimmer back in my eyes. I'm living more in the present and yet looking to the future with hopes, dreams, and realistic expectations.

As Jo aptly commented earlier this week: "Happy New Year (it better be)." I couldn't have said it better myself, Jo!

Here's to kicking cancer's ass for GOOD in 2012!

Me and Karen - Dec. 18, 2011.
We're proud of our short, sexy hair!

Physical Therapy (PT)

An illustration of the lymphatic system
from a National Lymphedema Network brochure.
In mid-November, Jill (plastic surgeon's office) deemed me ready for physical therapy. My referral was to OncologyRehab, a PT office that helps oncological patients. This particular group focuses on reducing lymphedema risk, minimizing pain and swelling, and maximizing function. 
Lymphedema: swelling of the arm, hand, trunk, or breast caused by a build-up of lymph fluid in those tissues after breast cancer surgery. Edema is the medical term for swelling. Lymphedema can develop at any time after surgery.

It's important that I do what I can to reduce my risk of lymphedema. Since all 16 of my level one lymph nodes were taken, the rest of my lymphatic system will have to compensate for that loss. Because of the lymph nodes taken, and because of the radiation I'm receiving, there is a higher risk of me developing lymphedema. Learning what to watch out for and how to not overtax my body is important!

There are 5 ways in which I can overtax my arm:
1. Activity
2. Injury
3. Air pressure changes
4. Systemic infection
5. Weight gain

Meet Brianna, my physical therapist.
The physical therapist/lymphatic expert I've been paired with is Brianna. She is a great match for me! She wants to stretch things (ar, ar, ar...) but also is on the conservative side of what activities I should/should not do. We both don't want me to hinder my progress by doing too much too quickly. Since I've recovered well from surgery, it's sometimes easy to forget that I have physical limitations.


Brianna gave me instructions to activate and "teach" my lymph system via massage techniques. I practice these massages twice daily - in the morning and evening in bed. Joshua helps some, which my left arm appreciates; it gets tired of doing it all. At the beginning of PT, I had two approved stretches that I could perform: the "bye-bye" exercise twice daily and the standing in a corner/in a door frame 3+ times daily. 

I inquired about lower abdominal toning exercises that I can do now to help not only tone my stomach, but also my lower back. I miss my sit-ups! (OMG - did I just say that?) The belly has gotten soft since surgery. Anything I can focus on and improve physically at this point is a good thing. Speaking of improvement... My right arm range of motion has increased drastically since I first began PT. Each saline fill would set me back some, but I would rebound nicely after a couple of PT appointments after those fills. Now that the fills are over on the right side, I believe I can continue improving even further.

Earlier in December, I was approved to do some more stretches, which makes me happy. It feels good to do more on my own to help with my range of motion and strength. I've also gotten approval for increasing my exercise routine - no longer do I have to just stroll! I can kick it up a notch at a time and increase my walking speed, add hills, and will eventually build up to jogging a little at a time. Gradually, I'll add strength training, weights, and yoga. Then hopefully Slim in 6 and P90. I know I've got a long way to go and, although I'm not sure of the timeline, I know when I meet P90X again in the future that I'll feel like Superwoman! Until that time in the distant future, though, it's baby steps.
Side note about Brianna: she wrote up an interesting guest blog post on a friend's site about PT being the "missing link" in breast cancer treatment post-surgery. I found it insightful, interesting, and TRUE. Please read her short article: The Missing Link (physical therapy).

December 25, 2011

Merry Christmas

It's been a while since a blog post. What can I say? I've been busy like the rest of humanity with holidays preparations in addition to cancer-fighting appointments. Next week, I hope to add a couple of posts about radiation and PT.

The most popular questions, by far, the past couple of weeks are:
  1. How are you doing? - I am doing well and feeling even better. Over the past few weeks, I've marveled about how I feel better than I did prior to surgery. Guess the chemo is still getting out of me and I feel stronger physically each week than the week prior. Two days ago, I jogged for the first time since mid-chemo. It was a slow, mild jog, but baby steps are necessary so I don't push my body too far and suffer as a result. The jogging was in 1 minute increments between quick-paced walking. It felt great to reach jogging status again and I hope to be able to jog at least a straight mile by the end of January. It would mean a lot to me to get to that point. So cheers to my last chemo being 3 months ago and surgery being 2 months ago (to the day). It feels great to be on the other side of those mileposts.
  2. Do you have a sunburn yet from radiation?/How's radiation going? - Radiation is going well. So far, it's mostly just an annoying appointment in the middle of each day. Friday's treatment was the first time I noticed some pink coloring on the quadrant they're treating. And it's a bit itchy. So...I suspect more signs similar to sunburning will begin to occur. I'm able to get my arms into positition above my head more easily now, thanks to physical therapy and stretches designed to increase my range of motion.
Now for the holiday part of this post:

Hopefully most of you are with your loved ones, family, and/or friends today. Take a load off, kick back, and observe the good things around you. I've encouraged myself to release expectations of what Christmas should be...and to revel in what Christmas this year is. It's a paradigm shift that has made it easier for me to enjoy and be present at this holiday time of year.

I sincerely wish the best for us all in the coming year. May 2012 bring about positives for us all - including good health.
Merry Christmas from our hearts to yours.
~Laura and Joshua

December 20, 2011

Life's Circle Poem

A meadow's lark, a newborn's tear,
Life lies ahead, heart beats without fear.

A mother's breast, a child's whim,
A rose petaled kiss, a soft touch to the skin.

Open eyes, towards the heavenly sky,
Never alone, together we fly high.

Centennial, CO

December 18, 2011

Buddha Bowl Recipe

This is a great meal that can be made in large batches, is super healthy and will last throughout the week. It can be eaten as a main course and used as a side equally well. The most time intensive portion of making Buddha bowl is chopping the veggies, so if you have a food processor, you might want to go that route to save time. Start by making your healthy grains, then add the chopped veggies, some oil to make things slippery. Top your Buddha bowl off with proteins and add some flavoring.

Healthy grains:
-brown or wild rice
-millet or quinoa (both quick to cook and great for you!)

Plus any combo of veggies:
-zuchhini, squash
-broccoli or cauliflower (cut in tiny florets)
-finely chopped greens (kale, romaine, arugula, spinach, etc)
-onion or scallions
-grated carrot
-chopped celery
-1 – 2 cloves fresh garlic
-grated ginger

Proteins:
We also add a few cans of organic beans for additional protein, try out some different varieties. Firm Tofu and chicken also are good; cooked and cut into cube size bites.

Flavoring:
-Ground flax seeds, if you have them
-olive oil or flax oil to dress (1 – 2 teaspoon)
-sea salt or Braggs
-dash of cayenne
-turmeric
-oregano

Sometimes we caramelize chopped onions in oil with garlic and toss that into the Buddha bowl with the veggies. Other alternatives include curries, Asian chili sauce, Mexican spices, use your imagination, different cultural spices give the Buddha bowl a different character and keep it interesting. It's fun to be creative with this recipe, play around and get to know spices you haven't used before!

Buddha Bowl
Buddha bowl goes great with  fresh avocados on the side.

December 14, 2011

An Interview with Jo Myers

On the right-hand side of this blog, you'll see links to "Other BC Blogs of Interest." One of those blogs is Jo's. Another BC survivor, someone on my team of professionals, told me about her site and that she had a unique personality. I was all ears and uber curious! Immediately I went home and checked out her blog.

LOVED IT. Her sense of humor resonated deep within me. Her upfront nature stood out among others. Her bright pink wig? - Wait, I have that same one! The power and positivity behind her blog gave me a shot of adrenaline each time I read a new post. And seeing someone just ahead of me in the journey gave me more hope.

Long story short, I was a blurker on her blog for a few months before I gathered the guts to send her an email to both comment on her blog and introduce myself. We corresponded back and forth for a few weeks and eventually met in person. The second time we got together, Jo interviewed me for one of her "Club C" posts she does on her blog. I was excited, nervous, anxious, and sweaty!

Listen to the fruits of her labor here: 
Let me/us know what you think about what you hear. (The audio is in QuickTime format, and may take a while to load.)

Christopher Walken (Jo) and John Malkovich (me).
Can you see the resemblance?

We're pretty when we smile.

December 13, 2011

Now it's Time for the "Easy Stuff"

Modeling a handy dandy 3-holed smock.
Radiation and physical therapy.

Physical therapy began several weeks ago. I'll save details for a future post on that. Today, the focus is on radiation.

My treatments began TODAY! I will have 25 daily appointments for radiation (except for weekends and 2 holidays). The appointments are short (~20 minutes), with most of the time spent getting undressed/dressed. I am receiving radiation to my chest wall, skin, and lymph nodes to minimize the chances of cancer creeping up in those areas. The radiation is focused on a "quadrant" of my body - that is: sternum to my side by my armpit, and mid-neck to just under my breast skin where the lower part of the expander lies underneath.

I do have some special guidelines to follow during radiation and for several weeks afterwards:
  • wear nothing but cotton around the quadrant being radiated; no synthetic blends allowed
  • use cornstarch on the area throughout the day - especially where my skin may rub/touch together (armpit, expanded boob and arm, etc.)
  • use only approved moisturizer to keep skin moisturized during radiation
  • no necklaces; they may irritate the skin  :(
Although some people experience fatigue during radiation, I may not experience (or notice) much. This is because of already having gone through chemo. Since I'm still rebounding from that (and surgery), the hope is that I'll still be feeling better each day and not really notice the fatigue that radiation can cause. I will probably notice the skin issues, though (redness, itchiness, soreness, etc.). Those are expected to happen in the last 2 weeks of treatment.

I've set an appointment for next week with one of the radiation oncologists to go over my treatment plan in person to discuss the technical information in more detail. I hope to learn more about my specific planes of radiation so I can share that information with you all. Also, I've been given the green light to take picture of the machinery and have asked one of the radiation oncologists to take some pictures of me up on the table during a treatment session. So stay tuned for more radiation information.
Ooh, la-la! Going into the radiation area for the first time.
Take note of the hair growth, please. Yay!!

December 11, 2011

Cooks in the Kitchen

Open-faced veggie sandwiches with sliced cucumbers. Mmm!
Buddha bowl, organic chicken, asparagus, and avodaco.

A big thank you to the folks who have taken on my dietary guidelines as a cooking challenge. At first, I thought my dietary restrictions would do me in...that I wouldn't be strong enough to follow them. However, it's now been nearly 6 months and I've followed them well. Yes, there have been exceptions and they are not every day, nor do I want them to become that way.

Joshua wholeheartedly dove into the alkaline diet with me. His first trip to the grocery store back in June/July took nearly 2 hours, but he found a TON of things that I could eat, and was careful to check ingredients on everything before purchasing. Isn't that wonderful? Surely not every breast cancer individual is so fortunate. He really has taken this on as a culinary challenge! He cooks for us with love.

A good number of other folks - work mates, neighbors, friends, family - have taken to the cooking challenge, too. Thanks so much for your help with meals! Although we do enjoy prepping and cooking together, it is a huge relief during these times to not have to plan meals, get groceries, and prepare food for every meal of the week. Your help is appreciated by both of us!
Adam didn't know the diameter of a portabello
could be that large!

Mmm...portabello fajitas!

December 8, 2011

My Expansion Process

The whole expanding process has been...well, it's been a lot of things. It's exciting. It's foreign. It's scientific. And it's painful. Today, I offer to you hand-drawn exhibits of each step I've taken in the expansion process. Got questions? Ask! 

right: 150cc, left: 150cc
(rectangles = tape over my incisions)
Exhibit A (October 25): my post-op breast skin over slightly filled prepubescent-looking expanders. Dr. B (plastic surgeon) was able to put in 150cc saline into my expanders. I remember the morning after surgery when Dr. B came to check in on me and peek at my chest. When he was unhooking the "iron maiden" bra I was wearing, I began to wonder what I'd see. Bruises? An Edward Scissorhands type of craft project gone wrong? Zig zags? Concave chest? Much to my delight, I beheld something vastly different from what my imagination conjured up that morning. I had breasts. Well, ok...breast look-alikes. They were small, but they were there. What a great feeling.



right: 270cc, left: 270cc
Exhibit B (November 7): my first fill. Dr. B's office gave me 2 weeks to heal post-surgery before "giving" me any saline. That day, Jill gave my expanders 120cc of saline. Not bad for a first fill, and a noticeable difference - immediately! Also...the pain of the expansion for 4-5 days. Ouch. I posted "cancer porn" pictures about the process in this earlier post.




right: 350cc, left: 350cc
Exhibit C (November 14): my second fill. After giving Jill an accurate account about the first fill and my days in pain - that, and there didn't seem to be a hurry since I'd likely have chemo first and be able to expand slowly - they decided to go easy on me. They stopped at 80cc that day. I only felt pain for 1 day.






right: 470cc, left 350cc
Exhibit D (November 22): my third fill. A lot changed in a week's worth of time. After meeting with Mr. Clinical Trial Guy we learned that, much to my dismay, radiation must come first. Then the clinical trial chemo - per clinical trial protocol. Time to switch into super-expando mode because radiation needs to begin 6-8 weeks after surgery. No later. Heather (Jill's stand-in) was my contact that day. She said that based on radiation needs, it was time to stop expanding the left side and focus only on getting the right side expanded beyond what I'll want in the end.

Radiation in a nutshell:
-My right breast skin will be expanded beyond what I want to end up with cup-wise. This is because of the effects radiation has on the skin. It tightens everything up and although I'll do what I can to keep things "supple," radiation will no doubt result in tighter, not-so-stretchy skin. Being over-expanded on the right gives Dr. B. some skin to work with come time for my "switch-out surgery" (trading expanders for implants). 
-My left breast skin will stay low profile from now through radiation. The radiation planes they need to use on me require some radiation to pass low in front of my left chest area. Nobody wants to radiate anything they don't have to - skin, organs, etc. That's why the left breast skin is going to stay safe under the radiation plane and why it is going to stay small throughout my radiation treatments (5 weeks). I'll get that one filled after radiation - at a normal pace!
      Since I kinda had a feeling of what I was in for that day, I prepared for this appointment by taking a muscle relaxant an hour beforehand. (And for 2-3 days after, too.) That's partially why, I'm convinced, I was able to take 120cc of saline in the right breast. Yowzers! That's a LOT. My pecs were unhappy that afternoon, night, and the next day. Oh yeah, and did I mention a PT appointment right after this fill? Crazy! And yet...I think it helped even out the hurt, if that makes any sense.

      right: 590cc, left: 350cc
      Exhibit E (November 28): my fourth fill. According to Jill, my skin is looking healthy, recovering well from surgery, and responding well to super expansion. I still have more weeks to go by before I'm given permission to swim (boo!), but I can now take my exercise up a few notches and elevate my heart rate to the point where I get pink in the face and sweat. Woo-hoo! I received another 120cc in my right breast and, they think that if I can handle another fill next week, expansion might be done on that side. <big sigh - and finger crossing!>


      right: 695cc, left: 350cc
      Exhibit F (December 5): my fifth fill. Everything is looking nice and my skin is doing well. I took in 105cc in my right breast and that, folks, is a wrap! At just under 700cc on the right, my expansion pre-radiation is done and it's time to call the radiation oncologist. Thank goodness for diazepam pills. They helped me get through the expansion at the office and helped for a several days afterwards when my right arm and breast were quite uncomfortable.

      December 2, 2011

      My OG

      Me and G
      A long time ago, in a land far, far, away...

      ...I went to high school with OG (who shall heretofore be named G in this post). G and I were fortunate to get back in touch earlier this year - before all the c-word stuff happened. She's been like an angel to me...filling my inbox with emails that cover subjects far and wide. It's like stepping into a magical land reading tales of everyday life, stories of times past, memories we both share, and current goings on. Her long-distance support is something so strong and palpable that I sometimes forget we're "long distance" friends.

      Being a thoughtful person, G asked early on about coming to visit, and when a good time might be for that visit to occur. I wasn't quite sure why, exactly, but my brain kept thinking "after surgery." And so it was. And so she did. Perfect timing. I'd hit a slump a couple of weeks beforehand where I'd do a downward spiral/snowballing thing mid-afternoon and into the evening. Post-op depression? Maybe. General funk about this seemingly never-ending process of which I've been a part for 6+months? Yep.

      Waiting room entertainment =
      filling out forms and cell phones!
      We fit a lot [of talking] into her quick visit. Since I still wasn't driving at the time, mom drove to pick up G from the airport. As soon as we picked her up and we had a bite to eat, it was time for a BC appointment! G was a trooper and came along to my first physical therapy appointment.






      The four of us enjoyed dinner at mom's place the first night. Mmm...tacos!
      Taco night!

      The next day, we decided to cook some chia-pumpkin muffins. A double batch, even. Woo-hoo! Gettin' crazy in the kitchen. We had a lot of laughs and great conversation during this muffin process. And we also managed to finish nearly all the muffins by the time she left Colorado. Man, those are great muffins! (Recipe to come once we've tweaked it some more.)
      G with Bake Fresh muffin papers a la 1971, we think.
      We're helping mom get rid of relics...

      G in her "What would Julia do?" pose.

      That night, we watched a doozy of a film: Premonition (no, not the Sandra Bullock one). Ugh! How that movie received a 6.2 IMDB rating is a mystery to both of us. And what is it with watching bad movies when friends visit? Sorry! Makes for funny inside jokes and stuff, at least. To rebound from a slacker of a movie, we went out for a sushi dinner. Long time, no sushi. I ate mostly sashimi (raw seafood without rice), but did indulge in some rolls, too. Mmmm...I felt a special sense of freedom from eating sushi again. Sushi wasn't allowed during chemo.
      I'm too sexy for this roll.
      Yes, "sexy roll" is the actual name.
      Looked like boobies to us!

      I so enjoyed getting to know more about thirtysomething G. We even got the yearbook out for a while and did random updates or reminiscing about people we knew/know. We even had time that last morning to watch some old videos of high school days...belly laughs ensued. Then it was time to say goodbye. That's usually the hardest part; this time was no different.
      Me and OG. We're tough. We don't take crap; we take names.
      So what if it took 6 shots pictures to get us both looking bada$$. :)

      The Centennial Post


      This post is a dedication to Laura’s “centennial” post – written in Centennial, CO. Laura started writing in June of this year, which equates to more than a post every other day. As I watched Laura write her last 10 entries I noticed she was nearing her 100th post and it seemed only fitting that I celebrate this achievement it with a write-up that looked back on where it all started. As my gift to her blog I’m also going to categorize her posts with labels and add a “tag cloud” onto her sidebar. As many of you know Laura loves organizing things, so I think this will be a neat feature to introduce her to.

      Beautiful Laura

      Most of the Ta-ta Times posts have been written by Laura, a few have been added by family. Before diagnosis, I remember we had talked about her starting a blog. Someday she would say, well maybe, we’ll see. It was our need to have a way to communicate to family and friends, once Laura had received her triple negative breast cancer diagnosis, which drove her to get the ball rolling with the blog. That is still the core reason the blog exists, but there is also now the hope Laura has that her blog may reach further than the people we know, to a stranger in a similar position who will see that cancer is not the death sentence it initially feels like, and can be lived with, with grace, humor, dignity. It does not mean the road ahead only consists of potholes filled with sadness and loss, it really is a new beginning, an opportunity to embrace the things that matter in life and find out who one really is.

      Laura has always been a prolific writer. She has always kept multiple journals going; she enjoys writing with her pen pals and sharing back and forth email threads with those willing to invest the time. She’s a creative individual, has been known to be a colorful doodler in her earlier years and has been told she has an ideaphoric mind from an aptitude test she once took. Ideaphoria is where ideas jump from one to the next and don’t stop, building like a crescendo. As it turns out, her blog turns is a great outlet for this ideaphoria - as well as a great way to share important information with loved ones.

      There is something thrilling when a blogger clicks “publish” and the newly minted post is available to the public at large. One never knows who is reading what’s been written and what might be commented on, or how the post may have a butterfly effect on readers from all parts of the world. There is a visceral excitement when one looks at the visitor count statistics and looking back on all those articles that have been written over a period of time, that is now a memory fading in the authors mind. It is a part of the soul frozen in time, put into a somewhat living venue for a possible eternity.

      I know Laura enjoys reading and responding her post comments. It drives her to write and share more and helps her get through the tough days. The blog is a two way street, an interactive venue between author and readers. I’m left with a great smile knowing how much joy being a blog author gives Laura and to see it blossoming into a passion, that it is helping her on her journey.

      Before Ta-ta Times was conceived Laura made lists of possible names for this blog she was thinking of starting. She had picked the current name out on her own, I didn’t even know about it, although she did throw a couple ideas my way. Picking a blog domain name is a very personal decision, much like naming a child. It will become something you can put all your love and energy into and the world will then do with it what they chose. I love the name she found. It is an aptly fitting title and will serve her well however long she decides to keep writing posts. Laura recently made her blog public and it is now indexed by Google. This hasn't changed her site traffic much, but the hope is that someone going through a similar experience may stumble upon the Times and find solace in what Laura is sharing.

      Like many bloggers Laura sometimes has dry spells, the proverbial writers block, but she is smart and builds up topics in her post queue when she is going through the ideaphoric periods, where the ideas flow so fleetingly it is hard capture them all before the next washes over the previous, like waves cresting in an ocean of thoughts. This is part of the excitement in maintaining a public blog.

      Laura’s blog is her gift to the world and a way to channel the creativity and thoughts that bubble up and put them into a form for friends and family, and the occasional stranger, so that they might breathe a little easier, laugh, and shed a tear sharing these very real life experiences, which touch upon what it means to be alive and live the human condition.

      December 1, 2011

      Top 5: Why Removing Your Breast Tissue can be a Good Thing

      This list is a harder one. I'm limiting it to 5...for obvious reasons at this point. I'll go back to 10 in the future, though.

      I also thought it would be more appropriate to make these Top 10 lists more in line with the way David Letterman used to do his. Starting with this one (if I can remember to do so), I'm doing the countdown in reverse...with number 1 being the uber top of the list (even though it's visually at the bottom).

      5. They were in the way sometimes, anyhow. Especially while jogging and jumping in Zumba.
      4. Makes for interesting conversation. (groan)
      3. No bra wearing. At all.
      2. No mid-waist sagging in my future-ever!
      1. The boobs (and lymph nodes) that were trying to kill me are OUTTA HERE!

      November 29, 2011

      Boob-berry Bars, Anyone? (It's Chocolate!)

      There's a small local business by the name of The Chocolate Therapist in Littleton, Colorado. According to their own literature in the store and on their web site, their chocolate is "handcrafted using all-natural chocolate and health-enhancing ingredients like nuts, spices, organic flavoring oils and dried berries."

      When I "graduated" from chemo, my massage therapist gave me an encouraging card and a bag of their 72% dark chocolate couvertures. Boy, what a treat! I hadn't had any chocolate since the end of May! They melted in my mouth and I savored every last one.

      So thought I'd do a little plug in case there are folks out there who like chocolate (they have all kinds, not just dark, fyi) and are looking for quality chocolate. The owner, Julie, has a promotion going until the end of the year: for every Boob-berry bar sold, $1 will be donated to breast cancer research.


      The Chocolate Therapist
      303-795-7913
      2560 West Main Street
      Littleton, CO 80120

      November 27, 2011

      The Naked Eye

      Turns out, I did lose ALL of my hair. What makes chemo folks look different, I've determined, is our lack of facial hair - especially the eyebrows! When those vacate, one begins looking a bit like a visitor from a parallel universe, if you know what I mean. Case and point: see the close-ups.
      These pictures were taken ~2 weeks post-surgery.
      Hardly a hint of hair.
      No time for eyebrows this day.
      But you get the idea.
      I look normal to myself without any makeup, but when the total hair loss thing caught up with me (~2 weeks after surgery/6 weeks after my last chemo), I looked weird even to myself. Enter my makeup lesson from the Look Good Feel Better seminar I attended months ago. Time to turn those notes into practical application!



      Luckily for us post-chemo folk, the total hair loss days are not long. Just last week, I noticed tiny, mini eyelashes. Not long enough to pull at - not even long enough to apply mascara onto - but they exist! Also, a "shadow" of eyebrows...like I had shaved them off. The hair growing back was just under the skin - and even THAT made me look more human-like than before. Then the stubbles started coming out. It's a slow process, and there's a good portion of me that's reluctant to fully celebrate each hair's arrival. After all, I may lose it all again. Bummer.
      Front stubble.
      Back [of head] fuzz.
      My frizzy, teddy bear-like hair is soft and I'm using an equine shampoo to see if it helps. Yes, this means I'm using horse shampoo. See picture to the right: Mega-Tek is supposed to help revitalize the growth and strength of the hairs. I am glad to see it coming back.

      Not only do I feel like I'm gaining strength post-surgery, but I also feel like all of my rapidly growing cells (hair, nails, skin, etc.) are making a comeback of their own. My nails are still frail and were really thin from the chemo, so I'm using a nail hardener to help them along.

      My skin is already back to normal everywhere that it wasn't. It's good to FEEL like a human to the touch again.

      November 24, 2011

      Thanksgiving 2011

      Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. This year it was a small celebration here: me, Joshua, and my mom. We each brought something to the table, which was nice. Technically, I didn't bring food to the table...but I was helpful in setting places, getting drinks, and most of the cleaning afterwards. It is a powerful and positive experience to help as I'm able right now.

      I've been reflecting on the past year - in particular the past 6 months. Although there are reasons to feel other ways (which I do on occasion), today I am thankful and would like to share some of these blessings with you readers:
      • being married to a wonderful spouse who loves me right back - under construction and all
      • my parents working together to help me through this challenge in my life 
      • having my mother's steadfast support through thick and thin
      • my dad and stepmom who have helped me with occasional "sanity check" phone calls and who have also helped us with cooking meals
      • Joshua's parents, who have listened to Joshua's needs and support us from afar
      • my medical team doing the best they can to help me fight and win this battle
      • kind neighbors that help us in so many ways
      • friends that are new in my life and those that have known me for a long time doing what they can to help and show their interest and support
      • strangers surprising me with uncanny connections and tales of triumph
      • having time to make "the" decision about the clinical trial and whether I'll take part in it or not
      • this blog providing a way to communicate directly with family, friends, and acquaintances; serving as a time capsule of sorts about this journey I'm on and some of the particulars involved; and (I hope) aiding someone unbeknownst to me that's also been diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer that wants to know more about the possible journey ahead
      • good food - and my voracious appetite!
      • my expanding lady lumps
      Thanks to all who read this blog. Whether you comment or not, I am amazed at the viewership of these posts, and will continue updating with news when I'm able. If not for cancer, I would not have a blog. So thank you, cancer, for giving me an outlet for writing!

      I hope to provide more updates in the coming days/week. There's been a lot of change going on around here...especially in the hair department. More soon!

      November 23, 2011

      Music Video

      Martina McBride's "I'm Gonna Love You Through It."
      This is a beautiful music video that says so much. Wanted to share with you all.

      http://martinamcbride.com/media/videos/397/16621

      November 21, 2011

      Jeney's Cut

      It's been a while since someone cut their hair to look like mine. No surprise there, especially with winter approaching. However, someone did something super specialrecently  that I'd like to share.

      Jeney is Adam's girlfriend. Adam is my brother. You've met her before on this blog. In case you missed it, meet Jeney again:

      Hello, Jeney!

      Jeney grew her hair out extra long so she could donate it to Locks of Love.
      Snip, snip!

      I believe I'm familiar with the feeling she was having in this picture:
      Yes, was too late to change your mind.
      It's temporary. And yours is for a great cause!

      Isn't she cute? I think the new hairdo is brilliant on her.

      Thank you, Jeney, for donating in my honor. I know a person is waiting out there who will be appreciative to receive your locks. Your hair was (and is!) beautiful.

      November 18, 2011

      Can you do the Macarena?

      I guess that's now the standard question post-mastectomy surgery. That's the first question my general surgeon asked me at my first post-op meeting with her this week! Could I do it? Not so well. But after my PT appointment today, I hope to learn how to increase my range of motion and strength.

      More information to come later about the clinical trial. My family and I have some time to think about it; I'm thankful for that. It is a lot to consider. Especially now, while rebuilding my strength after surgery. What we know for sure is that radiation must come first. Which means…we've gotta pump these boobs up! Quick!

      November 16, 2011

      I'm a Surwor!

      Before the day of surgery, I was told by many to bring a snap/button shirt. You just can't wrangle into a regular shirt after a double mastectomy. (I guess you could if you had to, but why do that?!) They were all right! I brought one (the only one I owned) along with me and it worked fine. I also purchased three others from Goodwill so I'd have a few others to use while my arm mobility was limited.

      Problem is: I'm not as much of a fan of snap/button-up shirts as others may be. For whatever reason, my shirts are 95% pullover shirts. Including short sleeved shirts.

      Enter another survivor's blog. Thanks to Jo already having been through her surgery, she found a creative way to make it look like she was wearing a pullover shirt even though she wasn't! Jo is awesome and inspiring - in so many ways. She's also crafty and I'm SO glad I read the particular blog about re-engineering shirts right before surgery. Check it out below or on Jo's blog entry about "mastectomy style":

      Step 1: Take any shirt you're willing to forever alter. Use scissors to cut the back side of it vertically - all the way from the bottom hem to the neckline.

      Step 2: Using your choice of fasteners (buttons, velcro, safety pins), apply in several places along the back side - enough to keep the shirt on you. 

      Mom and Sandy chose to use sticky velcro.
      Worked like a charm (but does not survive washing, fyi).

      We applied thee velcro down from the neck a bit
      so it wouldn't be too tight around my neck.

      Step 3: Have someone help you get on and fasten your shirt and you're nearly ready. Just don't forget a shirt or hoodie to go over the craft project. (Espeically if you have nonsense words on the back like mine.)
      Enough velcro to make the shirt stay on.
      But not too close to the bottom hem for comfort when sitting down.
      Anything pulling on my drain grenades = not cool.
      Who knew I'd be a BC Surwor?  :)

      November 15, 2011

      A Quick Weekend

      We had a short visit from Rachel, a long-time friend of mine. Long ago, she used to babysit me and my brother. I lost touch with her after middle school until my first year of college. Long story short, we ended up being roommates while in college!

      She managed to fit in a quick visit before her father's sinus surgery, which was so generous! Larry, I do hope you're mending well. We enjoyed seeing her, getting caught up on our lives, exchanging cooking tips, etc.

      Rachel was a whirling dervish in our kitchen nearly the entire time she was in Colorado! Joshua stepped aside (not easy for him to do) and she took the helm of the grand alkaline cooking ship. The smells were good; the food was fresh; the shared food, talks, and laughter were priceless. Thank you, Rachel.
      One pumpkin = not too many seeds,
      but FOUR baking sheets worth of gourd meat!

      Rachel is an experienced bread baker; however, she hadn't made a 100% whole wheat version before. Her batch made two loaves and it was scrumptious! With a bit of butter and blue agave...OMG. Both loaves are already gone; if only she had baked 10 more loaves. :) We hope to get the refined recipe from her soon. 
      She is - and should be - proud of her bread batch!

      Girls that play together stay together. We both looked fashionable in our hats and thought we'd practice our latest 1960's go-go dancer / ninja / Charlie's Angels moves for a photo or two.