It's About Time!

I've been "meaning" to blog for a while, but it just hasn't happened. Until now. Why? Because I'm lost with life. (Not to be confused with lost IN life. I have purpose and am not treading water.) I get lost with life in so many brilliantly good ways: enjoying most bits that every day brings forth. I'm in full appreciation of spring coming 'round (and technically summer now, too) and the joy that accompanies this time of year.

I feel a deep sense of appreciation for being able to participate in most every activity that's available. The hard thing, sometimes, is placing limits on what I say "yes" to. A common dilemma for many people, I suppose. My post-cancer self has a great need to have more time alone, more peace'n'quiet time, and to let my creative juices flow. It's easier now for me to be overwhelmed with stimulus - especially noise and people. I find solace in working on projects, making weird stuff that I think is artistic, listening to music, walking with Daisy, enjoying coffee on the patio in the morning, drinking margs with Joshua in the evenings, etc. Life feels good. Life is good. 

And what a joy it is to be here. To be alive. 

This spring, more than any other, I felt as though I was emerging from the darkness just as the perennials did in our yard. The entire cancer "experience," plus losing Stephanie last fall, weighed on me. I slowed down activity and have put on unnecessary pounds. That, too, made/makes a difference in how I feel. 

Post-cancer selves are tricky. I find this to be true with many other survivors I know. You have the traumatic memory emblazoned in your mind of being told "You have cancer." and can recall so acutely what that felt like. What a sh*t-tastic feeling. There are little muscle pangs, smells, and tastes that can evoke -in a heartbeat- some of the most nasty times of treatment. Sometimes I can shake them off immediately; other times, they stick. And it's like snot: hard to shake off! :)

Me and my trusty sidekick (in tow).
There's a lot to be learned from dogs!

My last follow-up with the oncologist went well. Nothing in my bloodwork came up looking suspicious. And although I'd feel a heck of a lot better in my own head having a scan to look at a "prove" my body is going along with being well, I'm *mostly* satisfied with the fact that along with good bloodwork, I am not experiencing any signs of progression. In my mind, a big part of my overall wellness is linked to my own brain and how it thinks, processes, etc. So until I have a reason not to be: I am a believer in my own wellness! Get this: I even went to see a "regular" doctor this spring - my first time in >3 years!! That's making a paradigm shift right there!

I've had many adventures in the last 4 months and will spare you, dear readers, from listing them ('cause I looove lists!!). It's been a pleasure to emerge, grow, and energize this season - to participate more fully in life, to see those I love, and to take moments to enjoy being here - now. 

I invite you ALL to do the same! 

What have you enjoyed doing this spring/summer?