Oh No, You Di'int!

Occasionally I hear tidbits come out of people's mouths that I'd like to verbally combat. Instead of being a word warrior to strangers, I've collected some of the particulars that have been said to me so I can process them here.

1. "If I were to have to get cancer, I'd want what you have" - Really? Do you even know what I have? Not all subtypes of cancers are created equal. And I'm not in a contest for who's got it worse--ALL cancer sucks! I'll take what's behind door #3, thank you: NO cancer.

2. "You're an inspiration" - While I'm sure this may seem true to the person saying it, hearing it makes me wince a little. I think what people mean is that they appreciate reading certain articles, hearing about actions we're taking to be informed and become more healthy, or knowing information about my particular diagnosis. I don't intend to be inspirational; I'm just going through the BC machine step-by-step in the only way I know how. My drive to blog is fueled by my own curiosity to know more about this disease, to share with family~friends~acquaintenances~strangers, to put out into the world what I would like to see, and to document this journey. What a trip to look in the rear-view mirror -- even at this point.

3. "I had a <enter relationship> that had breast cancer ... She went through <enter long detailed story> and didn't make it ... She left behind <enter children, family members>" - I want to scream: "What are you thinking?!!"  I am getting assistance on how to just plain leave conversations that begin like this. While the person may think they're trying to relate, they're really just processing what happened in their life. They aren't thinking about the effect of this news on others or anyone going through/having gone through their own journey.

4. "What are you going to do when you're done with this? / Any plans for the future?" - When AM I done with this? There's a tricky gray area that I fall into because of not having a complete response after my first 16 weeks of chemotherapy. I participated in the clinical trial (12 wks additional chemo) for several reasons - one of those is to help my chances of survival. Was I "done" at the time of my surgery? Was I "done" after the second run of chemo? How about after reconstruction is over? The list of future dates to check in with my status is far-reaching. I'll never be proclaimed "cancer free" - only possibly "no evidence of disease" if/when future tests come back in my favor.

My recurrence likelihood.

The curvy graph line above with "2 1/2" at its apex is my recurrence likelihood. Where the time and chance of recurrence axes meet is after the clinical trial ended (the recurrence timer began after my final infusion). As you can see on this graph Dr. K drew for me, the likelihood for recurrence spikes at 2.5 years and tapers off significantly at 5 years. That right, folks, I'll be having one heck of a 40th/41st birthday party. Or at least I sure hope so! No black-filled, geriatric-like celebration for me when that time rolls around. It will be such a major milestone to reach that it should be a most happy and celebratory occasion.

5. "I hope it all works out." - We do, too! This is better than "I hope you don't die"... but still leaves something to be desired.