 |
| A sunset in Littleton. |
What an interesting place to be. I've been through the "cancer machine" and now have emerged from the machine a changed person in several ways. Most obviously physically--but mentally, too. What a trip it is to be diagnosed with cancer. It's been an adventure indeed and odd to have been, in some ways, fighting against my own body. After all, my body's errant cells refused to act normally and took their bad behavior as far and as quickly as they could.
Right now, there's a lot going on 'upstairs.' I'm ruminating on what has happened in the last ~2 years... looking at life through changed (aware? experienced?) eyes... wondering what it's going to be like to let go of my latest full-time job: understanding the complexities of cancer... thinking about what I want my life to be like and about... learning... It's deep stuff, these thoughts. Most thoughts are rational; some are not. They ebb and flow. Some thoughts are light in weight and color. Others are deep blue, heavy, and make me feel like I'm sinking.
I've been collecting quotes of various types throughout my life. Throughout this journey, I've found some that speak loudly to me in one way or the other. Here are some that are helping me through some of the deep blue thoughts:
- Why is it that we're so scared to live and yet so afraid to die?
- Try to explore and indulge in the feelings for no more than three days, and then move on.
- Don't delay the happy.
- Promote what you love.
- You only live once but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
- I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass. ~Maya Angelou
In June 2011, getting to this time period (post-surgery, radiation, chemo, etc.) seemed SO far away. I wondered: Do I have what it takes to get through all of what is in front of me? Will I see my next birthday? Will I see my 40th? Why did this happen to me? Will I ever look or feel "normal" again? When will I regain my physical strength? There were/are so many questions, doubts, and mind-bending thoughts back then. Some till exist today; I'd be lying if I said they were all gone.
And yet, here I am.
Emerging during a glorious time of year and doing my best to to take life one day at a time.
And yet, here I am.
Emerging during a glorious time of year and doing my best to to take life one day at a time.
5 comments:
Laura, you are like the colors of a rainbow!!! Bringing beauty to such mysterious skies!!! Love from Seattle, Monica
I think you express beautifully, Laura, the doubt we all share about living life to its fullest. I do like quotes, but some of them are intended as a challenge, I think, that even the authors may have had a hard time living up to all the time. I am excited to see what you choose to do, but am more gratified to know that you are well and are a contemplative, positive presence in even our bluest times.
I think taking life one day at a time is one of the most important lessons we can all benefit from learning. Hang in there. Thinking of you and sending you positive thoughts through each day of this new leg of the journey.
@Monica, Sarah, and Amber: Thank you for your thoughtful, expressive words. Let's keep chugging forward!
Hey girlfirned! I chimed in here to see how you're doing. This is a great post! I love that it's a 'reflective' one post-cancer. I had that same interesting perspective. I like to call it the "new normal". Post cacner, my entire diet has changed and my priorities have changed and well... I now have a newfound wisdom. Sounds like you have too! Woot! PS: When is your 40th? Mine is only 2 mos from now Jan 13th (gulp). Talk soon. :)
Post a Comment