My Dad's Cut

Photos are starting to roll in with people's buzz cuts. I'll space them out so each person has a day of being at the top of the blog and post in order received.  :)
First up: my dad!

Joe was the first person to join me in the ranks of those with short hair. Thanks, dad! You look great.

Is he the Terminator?
Is he Anthony Hopkins?
Or ...
Is he Hannibal Lecter?
You decide!

Good News, Good News

We've been anxiously awaiting Laura's genetic test result. The wait is over ! During our appointment this afternoon with Laura's surgeon for a "port check," we were told that the results were negative for the BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes - which essentially means that Laura has not inherited the breast cancer gene nor does she need to worry about transmitting it to any children she and Joshua may have in the future. While this information does not change the treatment plan, it is significant and has lifted Joshua and Laura's spirits. Great end to another day that Laura is rating a 10 (out of 1-10) !

Solidarity

According to this blog's statistics, the most popular posting on this blog (to date) is the one about my "Hairy Situation".

Am I surprised? Not in the least bit. It's big news, a little shocking, and definitely interesting to see a gal shave her head voluntarily. I get that.

So I ask:   Who's with me, people?

Time to show your bald/buzzed melons, too! Send me your post-cut head shots. (Or before/after if that's important to you.) Individuals that shave their heads - male or female, no matter - will get their name and picture posted on the Ta-ta Times blog. For those of you brave enough to join my ranks, I can't promise you anything except you'll be popular to people around the world for at least one blog post. (Seriously: this blog is being followed in Japan, Germany, Australia...cool!) So you'll have an online presence and you'll enjoy some free summer A/C by way of heat loss. Talk about being efficient.

Think about it.
You might look fabulous with your new 'do, too!

Solidarity: unity (as of a group or class) that produces or is based on community of interests, objectives, and standards

~courtesy of Merriam-Webster 

Tracking the First Wave

A few days ago, on Tuesday, Laura received her first chemotherapy treatment and like any new trip, a number of “firsts” occurred when the journey began. It’s been interesting and an informative experience to observe her responses… as well as our own reactions. Laura and Joshua are

keeping their research-radars turned on, as well as maintaining an extensive diary of daily events. Their teamwork approach and frequent communication “huddles” serve them well.

The past week was demanding. The day following her first chemo treatment, Laura had a full day of appointments relating to the additional ultrasound scan and biopsy. Two days, Tuesday and Wednesday, were loaded with activity and, when Thursday rolled around, Laura’s demeanor was more subdued; she was tired, and the chemo was beginning its work. Throughout the day, Laura slowly gathered stability and strength and, in the evening, she and Joshua took a short walk in the neighborhood. It was heartening to see Laura’s energy continue to restore yesterday. Laura went on two neighborhood walks, and that is tremendously encouraging for her and all of her support team.

This weekend, Laura should be able to continue to recharge as she and Joshua enjoy additional R&R time… free-time... down-time… time to kickback… time to relax... time to deeply breath in the cool, crisp morning air and to enjoy a balmy late afternoon and an evening breeze.

Take a break – it’s well deserved. Enjoy the weekend and a Saturday afternoon, juicy and refreshing slice of cold watermelon!

A Personal-ish Friday Note to All

Hi peoples.

My dad is working diligently on a blog update right now, I just know it. Therefore, this update will be short so I don't steal any (or much) of his thunder.

I needed to take a break from the blog for a couple of days because I was both tired from the long day of appointments and biopsy taken on Wednesday, and also because I got news yesterday that my "questionable" or "suspicious" lymph node tested positive for breast cancer. Bummer indeed.

Anyway, I got a neat digital voice recorder from my dad. I've played around with it a bit and think it's cool. Not sure how much personal voice recordings I'll do, because they take extra work to get them posted. However, it's nice to be able to document thoughts and catch them when I have them rather than wonder what it was I had thought about "earlier." Here's something I wanted to share with you:

As a postscript to the audio file, today was INDEED a good day. 

It was a great day! 

And I went on two short walks - not bad.

Day 2 of Chemo / Second Biopsy

Today marks the second day for Laura's chemotherapy. The morning was filled with doctor's appointments, and hopefully the appointments will be subsiding as we get into the routine of the chemo treatments.

She received a shot of a drug called Neulasta this morning, which is used to reduce the risk of infection (initially marked by fever) from the chemotherapy drugs, which decrease the number of infection-fighting white blood cells. Side effects will include bone pain among other things, for which she can take Claritin (the allergy medication) to alleviate the symptoms.

The oncology appointment was followed by a lengthy ultrasound to further investigate the hot spot found on her lymph node from the PET scan results. After technician and doctor made a thorough investigation of the node, they determined it would need to be biopsied.

So on Laura went to her biopsy appointment, without missing a beat. The biopsy was much like the initial breast biopsy in which the doctors took multiple core samples of the lymph node for further lab analysis. We will post information regarding the results as soon as we know and what that will mean.

We are still waiting to hear back about the BRCA genetic testing, which we are told should be in soon. Hopefully good (negative) results from that test, as well as today's biopsy. Thank you for all your prayers and positive thoughts that are with us every day.

Laura is doing well right now, albeit tired from her 3 morning appointments and the chemo drugs that are beginning to fight the cells in her body. As far as symptoms from treatment go Laura has a pretty good 'chemo mask' right now, which looks like a red sunburn in her face and chest and she has been eating smaller portions, but has definitely not lost her appetite.

She is in great spirits and an amazing fighter. She's an inspiration to us all.

Laura's First Chemo

Laura was mostly all smiles through the treatment. First session down, seven to go !

Here We Go -- First Day of Chemo

Laura marked the beginning of chemotherapy this morning with her characteristic smile and can-do attitude! She's awesome ! Although the various drugs that were given in succession have long and complicated names, Laura has adopted her friend Marilyn's term "healing warm golden fluids" (although one was red!). We were glad to see that her newly installed port worked smoothly. The oncologist's staff were absolutely fantastic at fully explaining each part of the procedure and letting Laura she is free to call with questions at any time. We are ready to start the recommended diet (BRAT, etc). The rest of the day has gone really well and we are feeling positive about the entire challenge. As Laura mentioned in an earlier post, tomorrow is going to be a really long day - with a Neulasta shot, an ultra sound and biopsy of a lymph node. I'll soon post a picture of Laura's port in its working mode.

An Interesting Evening...in a good way

Mom and dad are both in town. To be more specific, they are both staying at our place for the next couple/few nights. They've decided that they're both on a mission to help me/us with this whole cancer thing, and it's comforting to know I'll be beginning the chemotherapy journey with both of them. Much like how I began my life with them! Thank you both for setting aside any weirdnesses to be with me and be supportive. I'm fortunate to have you two with me as I take a big step forward.

Tomorrow morning at 9am our time, I'll begin chemotherapy. It should last several hours. I may feel effects immediately, or within the first 24 hours. Or I may not have much of a reaction until a few days later. We'll just have to see. I feel your well wishes and will call upon the helpful words of support you have shared with me in my times of need. I'm excited and a bit freaked about seeing how this whole port implant thing goes tomorrow on its first run with "golden healing fluid."

Wednesday, I have a few appointments set up; it will be a big day, too. I will receive an injection of Neulasta to help my body produce more white blood cells. I will also have an ultrasound on the "suspicious" lymph node in my right underarm area. If the ultrasound leaves any questions about what is going on inside of that lymph node, I have a biopsy scheduled not much after the ultrasound appointment - "just in case." Hope to not have to have that, but if it will answer any questions, I suppose it's a good thing to do as soon as possible.

That's it. Time to hit my comfy bed with my lovely husband. Night, mom and dad. Goodnight, everyone. Will have another update tomorrow.

Taking Control of a Hairy Situation

Saying farewell to hair accessories - for now.

Brushing my locks one last time.

Using as many hair accessories as possible at one time.
And looking silly because of it.

Saying goodbye to your first ponytail of hair is hard for a girl.
And her husband.

Joshua's first few cuts were close!

The angled look is good on me, don'tcha think?
Something to keep in mind when it grows back...

Kisses are required before shaving my hair.

Here it goes!

Mohawk style is first. 

Rockin' the girl mohawk. I'm tough!

Getting serious...mohawk is disappearing.

I seemed to gain power as the hair disappeared.

Shaving off the neck fuzzies and making final touches.

This is my new look.
I decided to beat chemo to the hair loss punch.
Hope this helps me cope better with the total hair loss coming my way soon.

A Very Big Day

I liked yesterday. Ahhh... Friday, the last day of the work week – the day given the polished acronym “TGIF.” And, this particular Friday was an especially important day for Laura and her health... Friday was the first day devoted to actively following a specific roadmap for the removal of the strong, silent, intruder so intent to sabotage my daughter’s life. It was a very Big Day.

The Big Day actually started with a late Thursday afternoon phone call from the oncologist’s office. Laura was advised of a last-minute cancellation at Centrum Surgical Center and the subsequent availability for her to have installed a “Power Port,” an implantable device which will facilitate the efficient and repeated injections of medicine into her blood system. The port surgery was scheduled for Friday. Laura’s surgery required about 45 minutes, and was successful in every aspect.

Here’s the Big News: With the port now installed, the blueprinted 16-week chemo therapy regimen will commence Tuesday.

The past two weeks have been like drinking from a fire hose. There have been instances of blurry and often teary eyes, fact-filled briefings, counseling from health professionals, blood draws, plans made, plans changed, insurance confirmations, diagnostic imagings, related meetings, restless nights, uncountable phone calls, and a semester’s worth of research all being simultaneously spun around in the mind. During this time, while attempting to keep two feet on the ground, Laura’s also been riding the front seat on an emotional roller coaster.

I know how eager Laura is to initiate a prompt and a vigorous response to the uninvited guest – all of us have all harbored that urge. That time is now here. The train is leaving the station – it was a mighty Big Day!








Post-Op Port Pic

A Mother's Thoughts

Refocus. Renew. Reaffirm.
As I left Colorado and returned to Oklahoma to work for a short while, I pondered what has been happening over the past 10 days or so. As Laura wrote in an earlier post, there were many plans under way. Now, some of those plans will be pursued in modified form and some will be postponed a bit. Some may even fall by the wayside, as priorities change. Regardless, it is apparent that both Laura and Joshua already recognize that the real "stuff" of life is being "present" for each other and for their loved ones and "connecting" on a personal level. Maybe one of those "silver linings" Laura mentioned involves getting the most out of each day. Perhaps there will be a found or renewed passion to pursue. And surely this experience will reaffirm the gift of family and/or friendship for all of us.
As I sat last week quietly listening to test results and diagnosis/treatment plans, more than one doctor recognized and voiced my feelings: that as a mother I wish it were me instead of Laura, that I could take it from her and deal with it. But I can't. However, I can and will be available and present to Laura and Joshua through this journey to health. And I know that many of you will reach out and do the same. And that's how we stay connected......

Plans

Okay. You all probably know me pretty well. I like creative stuff. And I enjoy organizing. Nearly a contradiction there, but believe me - it works. I also enjoy planning. I like using Google calendar, and think it's fantastic to share various calendars with Joshua and family members. I have each calendar represented by a different color; each color signifies something (to me) that makes sense to match up to the unique calendars. It's great.

Google's calendaring functions also please me when making plans. For instance, my future plans included:

• going to Oklahoma soon to help my mom pack boxes for her move
• visiting family in Washington for 4th of July
• camping this summer
• hiking a 14er this summer - with Adam and Jeney, too
• moving my mom from Oklahoma to Colorado - a kick-ass road trip with Adam and mom
• "working" with Joshua (said with a wink) to try to get pregnant
• taking an "us" road trip vacation together

These were my plans. But I realize now that they are not THE plan. My plans have changed. They've morphed and shifted. THE plan is to have breast cancer and go through the journey that it presents. THE plan has always been this way; I just didn't know it. 

I mourn for my well-laid plans. I mean, I was really looking forward to some cool stuff this summer and had hopes for some other type of major news to share with everyone. Well, this is the new norm for now. And while I may not be able to accomplish or experience some things I had so carefully planned, I will be able to experience some crazy new stuff that not many others in my immediate circle have - so there! And you bet Joshua and I will have a vacation together once treatment is over!   

I am already convinced that there are silver linings - blessings - to these clouds that appeared above my sunshiny plans. THE plan will give me the opportunity to learn so many powerful things! Things about life, love, and the value of human connection. 


Love to all~

Meeting the Oncologist

A big afternoon for Laura and Joshua. First, a visit to a fertility specialist - basically found out the various avenues to pursue having a child after cancer treatment/surgery. Pretty overwhelming information. Then on to the long anticipated appointment with the oncologist that had been highly recommended. The doctor spent a substantial amount of time presenting us with the facts and answering all of our questions regarding the treatment plan.

The tumor biology showed:

• no estrogen/progesterone receptors (will not respond to hormone treatment)
• high Ki-67 score-76% (more aggressive within the aggressive category)
• negative HER-2neu receptors (eliminates one type of possible chemo)

Although the PET scan turned out negative (meaning no discernible cancer in other organs), the oncologist wants to attack this aggressive cancer in a big way and quickly. So, she is recommending that Laura begin chemotherapy right away. She will begin dose dense chemo of Adriamycin followed by Taxol for 16 weeks. Subsequent surgery is planned, which may be moved up if the cancer is not responsive to chemo. The oncologist is hoping this will shrink the cancer and knock the hell out of any other cancer cells in her body – if there are any.

We will wait for the surgeon to schedule installation of a port for the chemo medication to be administered, and treatment would begin the following day.

Thoughts and Affirmations

Just HAD to share some thoughts and affirmations with you all. I received an amazing email from a Seattle friend who is a 7-year cancer survivor. She is an inspiration to me and I wholeheartedly believe in her writings below. 

1. All cancer no matter what type or stage is beatable.

2. One must have first faith in your Higher Power, God, Goddess, Divine Universe - whatever fits your heart. 

3. Have faith in yourself, know that you are very powerful.  Your "thoughts are things."  Do not let looking at statistics or friends being negative (I hung up on a friend who said chemo was a toxin my body) enter in your consciousness. I visualized chemo as a "healing warm golden fluid that flowed through my body eradicating all cancer."  

4. Have faith in your doctors; you are fortunate to live in an area where you have top notch doctors to choose from.

5. All treatments and modalities are doable - not fun - but doable

6. This is the hard one to realize but there is a blessing in everything that comes into our lives.  Yes even this - it may take a week, 6 months, or a year but I guarantee you will see it.  

Remember you are a Spiritual Being having a physical experience.  Yes it is a crappy experience.

~Marilyn Jenkins

PET/CT scan

Me getting "hot."

Quick update:
Headed to Littleton Adventist Hospital this morning. Drank a barium mocha malt. Felt like 64oz, but was probably only 16oz. Wasn't too bad. A nice lady found a good vein in my right arm and I soon got radioactive. (See picture - radioactive junk was in the metal toolbox.) And glucosed. 

Then watched HGTV for 45min to let the glorified sugar water do its thing. 


PET/CT scan was 12min. Went great! Pretty peaceful and MUCH more quiet than the MRI magnet-o machine. 

The lovely PET/CT scanning machine. High-tech stuff, this is!

That's all for now. Mom and I are headed to SkyRidge Hospital to check out the Cancer Resource Center. No results until tomorrow - most likely. Will update when we know more.

Crazy Sexy Cancer quote

Mom and Joshua and I watched this video last night. One quote stuck with me. I'm going to try to keep it in mind this coming week - the "week of results." (Or at least I hope.)

"Don't get ahead of yourself; live in the moment."

Nailing Jell-o to the Wall

Big day today. Lots of things nailed down - comparatively. 

• Today I had a bilateral (both sides) ultrasound on my breasts. As we mentioned in an earlier post, there were "other 'suspicious' spots detected in the right breast (and one in the left)." Today's ultrasound confirmed that I do have four additional masses in my right breast. Most in the same plane as the cancerous tumor, one pretty deep in my breast tissue, all highly suspicious. The only way to know if these are cancerous or not is to perform biopsies on each one; however, I'm of the mind that this is not necessary. The multiple tests infer that they are related. The spot in my left breast is small, deep, and in a line formation (which indicates a possible duct cancerous tumor forming). Again, the only way to know this is cancer is to have a biopsy; this is going to wait right now - until we know if I have the BRCA genes or not. Knowing the results from the genetic test will help us determine how to move forward with surgery and treatment. 
• My PET (positron emission tomography) scan is scheduled for Monday morning; results will be known late Tuesday. This will scan my body from head to mid-calf and will check my other vital organs for signs of potential cancer invasion. Please think positively about this one - I'm a bit nervous.
• We'll be meeting with a fertility expert next Tuesday afternoon. He'll discuss possibilities with us regarding having children in the future after this "speed bump" in life. We are not making any decisions about this yet, but do want to have all or most of the information needed in-hand so we can make the decision when that time comes.
• We have meetings set up with two different oncologists. I'd like to make sure I mesh well with the oncologist, as they'll be a major part of my life (and around the longest during this journey). Both are well-respected and primarily deal with breast cancer patients. I'm trusting that my "inner voice" helps me decide who to pick.

I am learning to be okay with each day as it comes. And then be okay with the next day. And the next one. It's one step at a time, and each day brings its hours of phone calls, appointments, coordination, and real life to-dos (of which I am happy to participate). 

My heart is full with emotion at the overwhelming tide of responses this blog, my emails, and my Facebook account have received. I thank you all so deeply for your words of encouragement and support. Right now, we're operating pretty well with today's norm, but I am sure we will need to call upon you in the future for help. Joshua is in the process of setting up a web page for us at LotsaHelpingHands.com, which will help us coordinate needed help. So many of you have offered to help that we're hoping this will be a great resource for you and for us. I'm sure he'll have a posting on this blog about that site - right, Joshua?    :)   We will be adding a direct link to this web site on this blog in the near future.

Initial reflections on living with Cancer

Upon finding out the news about the tumor last Friday, Laura and I were overcome with fears. Fear of the unknown, of an early death, of not being able to live toward a ripe old age together. Fear that we had missed out on something in life, perhaps things we decided to wait on, and now it was possibly too late.

Time transformed into slow threads of an alternately spun reality, dangling in front of our downcast eyes. An out of body, out of mind state enshrouded us wherever we went. We were witnessing our bodies mechanism to protect the fragile mind in the face of devastating circumstance, the face of God. Simple things, like walking on a familiar trail, or down the aisles of the local supermarket, were experienced with 'through the looking glass' surrealism.

On Saturday evening we aimlessly plodded through Target to get out of the house and pick-up a few necessities. During our trip, in the store, a Schwinn Cruiser caught Laura's eye and we took it down from the display rack. The name 'Lulu' was printed across the Cruiser's frame and it was painted a soft pink all over. Laura hopped on the cushy seat, grabbed the easygoing handlebars and rode around the rubberized floors. The wheels of the bike squealed as she pedaled down the aisle and turned to make her way back to me. Laura smiled and it was a joy to see. I remember asking myself, "Is this really happening to us?"

After learning more from the surgeon on Monday we found out how the tumor could be removed sugically and how the cancer could be eradicated with various treatments. Our minds began to organize the facts (and some of our emotions) allowing the illusion of the 'real world' to regain a foothold and let us get back to some normalcy of routine.

We shift back and forth between the realities of the Cruiser and that of living with Cancer. Uncertainty abounds in the beginning of this journey, but our spirits are lifted as we learn more about the advances medicine has made and how many people are able to live well after cancer. With more tests pending this week, waiting for results is the name of the game right now. Life has been given a fresh poignance and we seek to find eternity in each moment as it comes.

Cancer Sucks!

We are fighting the cancer with medicine, love and prayers, but I have to agree with the pic, 'Cancer Sucks!'

More Specifics

Yesterday I had an MRI and ultrasound testing to establish a preliminary, precise visual, and measurable reference for treatment. Initial testing is indicating more areas of concern in addition to the larger, recently biopsied spot. Then I had an extended counseling session with my doctor.

In summary, here's what I learned:

• confirmed: aggressive ductal breast cancer, more testing (MRI, ultrasound, genetic, PET scan, HER-2, Ki-67) remains for treatment (chemo is a given and so is surgery)
• size: 3.2cm x 2cm x 2.5cm
• other "suspicious" spots detected in right breast (and one in left) will be investigated further by ultrasound
• did genetic testing for breast cancer gene (orally); results in 10 days
• appointments later this week/early next week should include: ultrasound, MRI, possible PET scan, fertility expert, medical oncologist

Additional tests will be conducted to tailor a treatment plan.

According to my dad (thanks, dad), I am displaying a strong determination to meet the problem head-on. Joshua has been generating a tremendous amount of support for me, and my mom arrived in Centennial yesterday to help us navigate these choppy waters. It means so much in building an effective treatment to have the support and love of family and friends.

Mo' later.

My Initial Diagnosis

Surprise! The lump in my right breast is...drumroll please: BREAST CANCER.

There. I said it.