A (The?) December Post

With the typical seasonal things to do on top of everything else, my blogging has been less than prolific. Oh well - it's hard to write cancer-related posts right now, because that's not what I'm currently wanting to focus on. Since Stephanie's death, I've been in a different head space and am putting one foot in front of the other to be in the present moment, and enjoy the holidays and our new puppy. Feelings ebb and flow and maybe it'll be like this for some time.

As is with life, with somber and saddening times, there are also exciting and joyous occasions. Here's a smattering of what's been going on lately:

Joe, my dad, surprised us with a quick (<24hrs!) visit before Thanksgiving. Ostensibly to see me, but I think the real reason is clear in the accompanying picture. He and Daisy had fun playing fetch up and down our stairs. The little squirt loves dad. And I'll never forget what dad said upon meeting her face-to-face for the first time: "Hi, Daisy. I'm Joe and I've loved you before I even met you." Awww. Warm fuzzies abound!

We spent a quiet Thanksgiving here at our home with Linda, my mom. We divided and conquered the dinner dishes and we had lots of leftovers. So nice to make the most of the time spent in the kitchen!

A day or so after Thanksgiving, mom took this picture of a sunset while on a walk. Isn't it gorgeous? It's special when the camera's eye can catch close to what you actually see with your own. Thankful for the beauty we see each day.

Joshua and Daisy have had some needed 1-on-1 time while I've been out with friends and running errands. He was gone for 5 days right after we adopted her, so they've been bonding and working on reinforcing commands. It's so fun to see them interact and to see her look at him for guidance, too!

Daisy and Lexi are growing more fond of each other with each passing day. They keep taking naps closer and closer together. I predict that they'll nap side-by-side someday. Watching their antics helps speed up and add joy to chilly, indoor-only days.

This time of year is just right for baking. Here's a two-loaf batch of honey/whole wheat banana bread I made the other day. The bonus of baking is that it also heats the house! Not to mention the aroma it adds...

We went with Linda to see holiday lights at the Denver Botanic Gardens. Luckily we went a day before the Arctic cold set in (today's high will be 9F). For me, seeing the light displays made it feel a little more like December and the holiday season. Now the snow and temps are reinforcing that feeling!

My crafting has been on the backburner this year (unlike last year's craft fair extravaganza). However, I did manage to set aside time to bake some scented baking soda ornaments! They were fun to make and I hope recipients enjoy them and how they smell. Not realizing how much stirring was needed, I did it all myself and my affected arm is 'pissed off' about it. (That's a technical term my friend Jo and I use to describe the pain associated with our affected arms. It comes and goes depending on several factors - mainly weather and activity for us.) Next time I make some, I'll call in Joshua for stirring reinforcement. My plan is to jazz-up the white ornaments with twine and/or ribbon. Heck maybe even add glitter to some just because. :)

So there you have it: a slice of my life.

I'm not sure if I'll get around to posting again this month. And I don't want to feel like I "have to." So just In case I don't, I want to sincerely wish you all a happy and healthy holiday season and coming year. I see 2014 as being a year of new beginnings. 2013 sure seemed to be full of change from my POV.

And if I may interject some of my own thoughts and focus into your reading today, please try to:

• Remember to be kind to others. 
• Be patient. 
• Be understanding. 
• Help those who need it. 
• Practice random acts of kindness. You never know the influence you may have upon someone's life.

Many blessings to you and thank you for continuing to read my posts!

'Cause Dr. K said so!

I hold my oncologist, Dr. K, in high regard. She's wise, she's personable enough, and she doesn't mince any words in the exam room. Love that!

In my latest follow-up with her a few weeks ago, she at some point said "Start with a dog." Who cares what the context was - really, does it matter?! - I just wrote that down verbatim on my list-o-questions sheet I always bring in with me. What she said stuck in my brain all day until Joshua got home that evening. 

We've been hemming and hawing over adopting a dog for what seems like a long time - at least the better part of a year. Something finally clicked for us, because four short days later, we adopted Daisy:

Miss Daisy.

She's 100% puppy and is a delightful (mostly!) handful. Already I can't imagine our home life without her presence. And Joshua is just as smitten as I am. She's brought joy in a challenging time stemming from various upsets in the cancer world for others. 

She loves sitting in laps after she's gotten exercise.

A puppy that plays hard, sleeps hard.

Everyone's pooped after playtime. 

She's made friends with Tater...

...and took a nap in his bed.
Which looks enormous with her in it!

Lexi is getting used to Daisy in her own time.

When they're both fuzzy-headed,
interesting photo opportunities arise! 

Last week I received a call from my oncologist's office. All looks good with my tumor markers and other blood levels that she regularly checks. The news makes flying solo for the next 6 month window (not the typical 3 months) a wee bit easier.

This picture is from the evening I received my results. What great comfort to catch this moment in time with a bunch of colored pixels. I feel content.

So all this boils down to is: 

"Feeling well, got a dog, and did it 'cause the Dr. said so!"

Update and Reflections

Since the end of treatment, I've been addressing some big issues that were easier to put off during treatment; mainly: FEAR. It's a nasty four-letter word just like the others! It's got power, but you can work on diffusing that power by acknowledging it and realizing that in the now, you're okay. 

One thing that bubbles up fear [for me] are my follow-up appointments with my oncologist, Dr. K. I had one a few weeks ago. I'm feeling well and neither of us is noticing any "signs" of recurrence, which is a relief. I had five vials of blood taken last Friday and expect to get results this week. (That said, TNBC is tricky and typically doesn't show elevated CEA and CA 27.29 tumor markers like other types of breast cancer. For example, when I was diagnosed and all through treatment, my tumor marker numbers were never out of normal range. Arrgh!) As Dr. K left the exam room she said "You graduated! See you in 6 months." This means my follow-ups with Dr. K will now be at 6 month (no longer 3 month) intervals. Wahoo! The check-up leash is extended and it's nice to be at that point.

We've come a long way since my diagnosis in June 2011. Life tossed an unkind card my way, and we dealt with it in a straightforward way. I sincerely hope that sharing my emotions, losses, wins, and life events has been entertaining - if not useful - to readers. 

I'd like to keep this blog going - although I'm beginning to realize that I may not quite have the prolific amount of posting that I did during treatment. Why? 'Cause I'm LIVING - living out loud! I'm focusing my energies on helping others and nurturing myself, and it feels good. 

I still have plenty to say by way of sharing emotions associated with this journey, revisiting experiences I had during treatment that I'm still processing or mulling over, sharing positive ways we've tweaked our household post-diagnosis that everyone can do easily, posting news about breast cancer news/events/charities, and conveying what this survivor does after being spit out of the BC machine. I invite you to continue following my life journey.

Got questions? Please ask.

Missing You

My friend Stephanie passed away last weekend.

Steph in Texas, June 2013.
Toasting to the last night a group of us spent there.

Steph came into my life because of breast cancer. If it weren't for us both being diagnosed and having met another BC "sister," I'm not sure our paths would have ever crossed. What a tremendous gain it's been to have her in my life.

Although in many ways the cards were stacked against her, she "just kept living" - and I mean really living! She did everything she could to be an active mom in her children's life, to be a loving wife, and to be a true friend.

I'm missing her so much. Her wit, her smile, her amazing eyes, her depth of personality, her wisdom, her zest for living life, and so much more.

The seeds of love and friendship she planted while alive will continue to grow and cultivate in years to come.

Oh, Steph. I will miss you so. You are loved!

The Can-Cans. June 2013.
An unforgettable trip together.

TNBC Facts

Breast cancer. Other types of cancer. Do you know there are subtypes to nearly every major type of cancer? There are!

Below are infographics I discovered this morning via the TNBC Foundation Facebook feed I receive. I want to pass on the information that explains facts we know about BC and this particular subtype. (Which, incidentally, has 6-7 identified sub-subtypes, too...) The mystery is slowly unraveling in real time. Just wish it could happen at the speed of light rather than based on funding, politics, and myriad other variables.

Got questions about BC or TNBC? Please feel free to ask general and personal questions via comments on the blog. I'll do my best to respond and get answers if I don't know myself. Dialogue is important. Communication is key. Understanding is powerful.

At Long Last

Our long awaited, highly anticipated, much talked about trip is starting today and it feels . . . a little odd to both of us!

Early on during chemo treatments, Joshua and I started dreaming about what we were going to do / where we were going to go once all the treatments, surgeries, radiation, and recovery were over. Talking together about this trip throughout the past few years has been a light at the end of a long tunnel - for us both. It gave us something good to look forward to and focus on throughout some trying times.

So the time is nigh for us to get out and play!
Make memories!
Enjoy time with just the two of us.
Do only what we want to do.
We're ready.

Behold: the Power of Cayenne!

Joshua and I have done a lot of digging to find foods and spices/herbs with "superpowers" - that is, ones that do or may contain anti-cancer properties. One of the spices we've increased our use of is cayenne. - Muy caliente!

"In 2010 researchers from the UCLA School of Medicine studied breast cancer cells and found that capsaicin not only retarded their growth and arrested their ability to travel, but also increased the degree of apoptosis."

-Read more about Cayenne Pepper, Cancer & Tumors in this article on Livestrong's website.

Here are some other interesting links about cayenne pepper:

• University of Maryland Medical Center - uses include: pain relief, psoriasis, weight loss, and other uses
• Web MD - uses and effectiveness for a variety of symptoms
• Livestrong - cayenne pepper health effects, benefits (along w/side effects & interactions), benefits of cayenne pepper pills  
• Health Freedom Resources - a link to their cayenne concentrate dropper bottle, which also has information about cayenne pepper + its uses
• Wikipedia article - all about cayenne peppers

You CAN just use plain ol' cayenne pepper.
- or -
If you're a spice aficionado, try this product!
Joshua puts 1-2 drops on nearly everything
except ice cream!
It boasts "100 times hotter than jalapenos" and
"Scoville rating: 500,000" on the bottle.
It even ate through one medicine dropper top.
YIKES!

Joshua has trained his system to tolerate more peppers and hot, spicy stuff than I can handle, so he usually adds and extra dose to his servings. See the picture to the right for how he doses his food with extra capsaicin.

We do not think cayenne (nor capsaicin, the ingredient in cayenne that makes it hot) is a cancer 'treatment.' Yet we are aware that capsaicin demonstrates the ability to inhibit the growth of cancer cells; research suggests that the compound promotes apoptosis -- the death of cancer cells. 

We don't have any contraindications to using it, so why not give it a try? 

- - - - - - - - - -

For the people that like to know more about everything, here's an informative article about the Scoville scale - used to measure the pungency of chili peppers!

It Takes a Village

THANK YOU: 

family, friends, workmates, co-survivors, acquaintances, neighbors, survivors, blurkers, and others - for reading the Ta-Ta Times blog posts, leaving uplifting and humorous comments, supporting, praying, hoping, and believing.

While I personally know many individuals that have assisted us in this breast cancer journey, I am sure there are many more out there I do not know. I appreciate all of you! Your prayers, cards, thoughts, communication with my family, pick-me-up gifts, laughter, tears, girl dates, check-ins, and everything else have been a major well of support upon which to draw during "low" times.

I want to express my heartfelt thanks - which in some ways, I'm sure, is overdue.

I'd be a big, fat liar if I said there weren't dark times looming in my own head about breast cancer since my diagnosis. All your help when going through treatment and surgeries allowed me to focus on my job at hand: to get through it step-by-step. That was a full time job that sometimes took every bit of what I had in me...and then some. Your meals, help with snowblowing, uplifting emails and cards, and so many other "love exchanges" helped me and my co-survivors navigate through our bumpy roller-coaster ride. We had people to lean on. We had lovely surprises that made life easier for us. Thank you.

I'm in awe at the outpouring of support we received. And at times felt unworthy and uncomfortable accepting your support. However, I soon realized we wouldn't have been as capable of dealing with each day without accepting help graciously, which we learned to do. I lost track of the ways people helped, and the list of thank yous, and I've learned to know that is okay. I needed to just accept help - and I did. And I allowed myself to have a free pass at sending individualized thank yous. Sometimes it's best to help others and not expect anything in return; it's also at times best to accept help and know that it's okay to not have to give back what you've been given in spades. Wow - what a concept!


So this is my little love letter to all of those that supported me and us in our time of need. What a gift you've been! Did you know how much your acts of thoughtfulness meant to us? Please let this shed some light on that fact. Our blessings did not go unnoticed. We took note, we are thankful, and we are doing our best to help others in ways we've learned were most helpful to us. I praise you for reaching out of your comfort zone and helping make a difference in our lives.

It took a village...

...and I realize more than ever that our village is vast, steadfast, and full of sparkle. 

Mantras: post-traumatic stress

It's short and it's simple:

"I survived."

and:

"I'm still here."

Empathy

Empathy. The world needs more of it.

Please watch the video below (4min 25sec).

Medical ID/Lymphedema Alert Bracelet Update

Time for another personal BC-related update. The summer is flying by way too fast, yet I'm enjoying going and doing - something I haven't been really able to do the two summers previous. More on that later - possibly. :)

I'd like to bring attention to medical ID bracelets again.

About this time last year, I blogged about my first medical bracelet. It was a good friend - while it lasted. During my trip to Boerne, TX this year, it spontaneously flew off my wrist in several pieces (completely unprovoked, I might add!) and broke in a way that I could not repair. See what happened:

I have its bits and pieces & hope to have it repaired.
Still, a major bummer.

Luckily, I brought a second medical ID bracelet with me. It is more rugged and I purchased this one to take with me while participating in "sporty" things (hiking, biking, anything needing sunscreen application, and other dirty-making activities).

I think this bracelet has a smart design: adjustable and easy-to-use Velcro, durable materials that can stand up to a beating, waterproof, machine washable, and a handy-dandy inside pocket for customized and important medical information.

This bracelet from Amazon came with
2 foldable (and waterproof) ID cards.
It holds important customized medical information
about me in case I'm incapacitated and
need medical attention.

This lightweight, durable medical bracelet really saved me on my trip! Not having a medical alert bracelet makes me anxious - the peace of mind it gives me is powerful. And it is so important that medical personnel know to not poke me with needles nor take my blood pressure on my right arm! What a mess that could easily lead to...

While the above bracelet came to my rescue, I did prefer to have something a little less "sporty" for everyday use (something I can wear with normal clothes and when I dress up). That led me to start searching for a durable metal bracelet that could (hopefully) stand the test of time. I settled on the one shown below - and truly hope this one lasts for years and years. I chose to have it engraved with my specific medical information, too. (After all, what good does having a medical alert bracelet without information in/on it do if you aren't able to think clearly or speak to those trying to help you?!)

FYI and a tip for others:  When wearing a medical bracelet, I think it's a good choice to let that be the only bracelet on your arm. Some medical bracelets out there look like charm bracelets and hide the important "medical alert" well. To me, that seems to totally defeat the purpose of having it in the first place. While this is a lower-profile bracelet, it has the medical symbol on it + special instructions and it is the only thing I wear on my right arm (besides ye olde lovely lymphedema sleeve / glove / gauntlet when needed), so I think there's a greater possibility of someone noticing it if ever I'm in that situation.

It's also a great reminder to myself! On one of my follow-ups at the oncologist's office last year, I started hollering like a crazy cat lady when the blood pressure machine began pumping on my right arm - I had totally forgotten about my limitation. I freaked out the nurse tech (and myself), but she stopped the machine promptly and all was well.  That was when I knew I needed a visual reminder - for others as well as for myself - and it prompted me to get my first bracelet.

Think about it - it could save you and others from a lot of pain and agony.

BC Infographic

I'd like to share an informative infographic with you all. There will probably come a time another woman (or women) I know will be diagnosed, although I hope that I won't know many that do. It's a club that you don't want to be a part of, but boy is it uplifting to meet others that have "been there, done that" and "get" what this experience is all about.

Please pass on this information to anyone you know that could benefit from: knowing the facts, checking their breasts (male and female!!), or not feeling alone in their journey.

There's definitely a part of me that wants to know more about this disease. Like what specifically causes it? What are surefire ways of stopping its growth? When will there be a cure? So many questions...hopefully time and bonafide research will elicit answers.

source: http://www.onlinenursingprograms.com/code-pink/

'Tis the Season...

...for SUNSCREEN!

Boy, have I had [more than] my fair share of bad sunburns:

 Sunburn acquired while honeymooning.
Hawai'i, 2004

Now that most of us have emerged from our dwellings to enjoy summer sunshine, it's time to apply sunscreen. Did you know all sunscreens aren't created equally? It's true.

Waaaaay back in the early stages of my cancer treatments, I watched a documentary that spoke to me: Crazy Sexy Cancer. It's based on Kris Carr's own battle with cancer - stage IV cancer found in her liver and lungs in 2002. While I didn't/don't subscribe 100% to all of her recommendations, the documentary was jam-packed with information. I took what spoke to me and incorporated it into my own life. I now have the same approach with her email 'digest' I receive once weekly.

In early June, the focus was on sunscreens. While I knew some sunscreens contained freaky toxins, I wasn't sure quite what to do about it, who to trust, and what to spend my money on. This article helped me. In case you don't want to read the full article, here are some excerpts and tips to help point you dear blog readers in a different direction when making choices about that next bottle of sunscreen. After all, we do vote with our money!

To begin with, look for these 'red flags' when reading sunscreen ingredients:
• What: Vitamin A (retinyl palmitate or “retinol”).
Why: Linked to increased cancer cell growth.

• What: Oxybenzone.
Why: Hormone disrupter—experts caution against using it on children.

• What: Powder or spray mineral-based sunscreens (usually on ingredient label as zinc oxide and titanium dioxide).
Why: These ingredients are typically safe in lotion form, but can cause internal damage if inhaled.


Have you heard of the Environmental Working Group (EWG)?

EWG is an American environmental organization that specializes in research and advocacy in the areas of toxic chemicals, agricultural subsidies, public lands, and corporate accountability.

Stephanie, a BC friend of mine, introduced me to this organization sometime this May/June. Since then, I've used their databases to look up products we had at home that I thought were safe (many weren't!) as well as ones I've considered buying - this organization's work has helped me make more informed and clear decisions when purchasing cosmetics, sunscreens, produce...the list goes on.

To help you on your quest, here are some of EWG’s top-rated sun care products in the sunscreen category - for adults and kids:

• Aubrey Organics Natural Sun Sunscreen, Green Tea, SPF 30+
• Aubrey Organics Natural Sun Sport Stick Sunscreen, SPF 30+
• Badger Baby Sunscreen Cream, SPF 30
• Green Screen D Organic Sunscreen, Original, SPF 35
• Kiss My Face Natural Mineral Sunscreen with Hydresia, SPF 40
• Releve’ Organic Skincare by Emerald Essentials Sun-Lite Sunscreen, SPF 20
• Seventh Generation Wee Generation Baby Sunscreen, SPF 30

"There's an app for that!"

Yes, it's true. There are two apps available for the iphone (one for the iPad) created by the EWG. They are working on others. 

The Dirty Dozen: a list of foods with the highest pesticide residue (also complimented by the 'Clean 15' - a list of foods with the lowest pesticide residue).

EWG Sunscreen Buyer's Guide: Isn't it self-explanatory? I think so.

Now that I'm armed with strong and broad UV protection with few safety concerns, it's time to get out and enjoy some more of that Colorado sunshine!

Mantra: calm the mind

First, note whether you are feeling calm or angry, content or agitated, without desire or filled with desire.

May I accept that things do not always go as I would imagine.

...become aware of your state of mind...

May I accept that things do not always go as I would imagine.

May I accept that my hard time will certainly pass.

May I find a practice that helps me to know.

May I find the stillness. 

May I find the quiet.

May I find the resolve.

May I find the peace that helps dispel the suffering.

Young Samson Loses His Hair

A couple of years ago, I wrote a blog post called Solidarity - to see if anyone else would shave their heads (donating their hair or not) to show solidarity with me and my hair loss 'adventure' soon after I began chemo treatments. Much to my surprise, there were quite a few of you that did just that and sent in pictures of your buzzed or otherwise-cut hair! The show of support from near and far warmed my heart and helped me feel a little less isolated with the beginning of my cancer journey. Thank you for that.

Joshua also wanted to be part of the crew that cut their hair, but he knew it wasn't long enough to donate - that, and I urged him to keep it long (so one of us could have some friggin' hair) and so he could eventually donate it to a great cause. And he did. About 3-4 years in the making, it grew quite long:

Oh boy! Look at all that hair!

He tried - unsuccessfully - several times last fall and winter to donate. It was still just a bit too short. This spring, he was getting antsy to cut it off.

So last weekend as he was getting out of the shower I said "How about we cut it off today?" And this was his expressive reply:----->

I took it as a "yes."   :)

And so the de-hairing Joshua project began.


But wait! First check out this short video of what we'd been contending with for some time. His long hair required more regular clean-up in our bathroom shower and floor. Eew! I'm sure we could have made several wigs with the drain catch hair by now:

Lookin' good.

As he said in the video, he was a "hairy mo' fo'!"

I felt privileged that he let me cut his hair. Just two years prior, he was the one that tenderly cut several ponytails of hair off my head and then gave me a buzz cut. I was up for the challenge and did a decent job, methinks.

Spousal bias makes me believe he looks great any way he has his head or facial hair. And it's true! As much as I knew I'd miss the long locks, it's like I had hubby v2.0 at first - how exciting! :)

Bye-bye, hair.
Hello, handsome!

Contrary to what happened when Samson lost his hair, Joshua seems to have gained new strength in embracing this drastic change. We all get attached to how we look, and it's both frightening and exhilarating when big change occurs. Whether the change originates from yourself or an external force, it's still something your mind adjusts to in some fashion.


We promptly filled out a hair donation form from the Locks of Love web site and sent his hair on its way to help out a child with long-term medical hair loss (stemming from any type of diagnosis). It filled our hearts to do something that we know will help another individual.

Getting packed up and ready to mail.

Joshua's new look.

Baby Did a Bad, Bad Thing

This is Tater (short for Tater Tot, because he looks like a fuzzy version of one). He is my mom's beloved Corgi. Tater stayed with us recently while mom was seeing incredible vistas (like the one below) and wildlife in Yellowstone National Park. 

Tater is an easygoing dog that LOVES to go on walks, likes to be in the middle of the action, and makes people of all ages smile. 

If Tater isn't on a walk or puttering around the yard, these are pretty much the Three States of Tater: 

So back to this quick story...

After going on a long walk with him on a warm morning, we got the brilliant idea to groom him. After all, wouldn't he feel cooler with a little less hair? Well...maybe we did just a little more than that. Enter Tater v2.0: the puppy revival!

Below this, you should see a video. 

Press the Play button to see Tater post-haircut.

Mom handled things like a champ. Whew!  :)

Lessons Learned*:

*somewhat excruciatingly

• Only groom your own animal.

• Dogs' coats are used to protect them from the heat, the sun, and bug bites.

• His hair will grow back.

• We can count on my Aunt Sandy and Jo for sound advice.

• Tater's ego does not depend on his looks.

• Research before doing something like this. Spontaneity can wait for other types of activities.

• Tater looks pretty darned cute now, if we do say so ourselves! 

Boerne (BUR-nee), TX

Last week I returned from a unique trip - one spent in Boerne, Texas! Jo was house/dog sitting and asked a handful of her friends to "come on down!" It was a great opportunity to spend some solid time with my chemosabes and appreciate the experiences we shared while there.

Here's a good ol' Texas-style roundup of some favorite pictures from the time there:

The day we arrived. A great view off the back patio.

Jo's charge: Oscar.
We liked calling him Oscar-doodle.
(The poodle.)

We made lots of meals together.

Check out the dishes! Mmm...

Goofin' off down at San Antonio's River Walk.

Steph and Liam strike a pose
in a display window.

Chit-chatting away at a coffee shop.

Got to sleep with someone besides Joshua. :)

Most afternoons we would snooze, email, read,
etc. when the energy low hit.

We're all in a picture!
L to R: me, Liam, Oscar, Steph, Jo, Dakota

Texas critters.

Hurry and...pose!

Liam: photographer, swimmer,
sports fanatic, and wasabi-pea eater extraordinaire!

We've wanted to have some fun pictures taken together.
Liam did a fantastic job of it!

Ooh-la-la!

Hit the San An Trader Joe's on
one of our airport runs.
We stocked up! 

At a German restaurant in Fredericksburg -
even waters are Texas-sized!

Zentangling is serious business, people!

Taking a ride in the back of the golf cart.
Liam is driving.

We stopped the golf cart at a great vantage point.
A spectacular sunset!

Our last evening with Jo before going back home.

Bye-bye, Lone Star State.
We tried not to mess with you too much!