...and, speaking of Coneheads...

July 17, 2011

Missing 1980’s Personalities Discovered Living in Denver Suburb

Neighbors Caught Totally Unaware; Police Become Involved; Paparazzi May Begin to Impact Residential Area

(MNN / Centennial, CO) – Neighbors were astounded to discover late this evening that former TV and movie screen personalities, The Coneheads, have been living in this quiet, residential Denver suburb for an indetermined length of time.  Occasionally, there have reports of “unusual” events at the southeastern Denver residence, along with a noticeable increase in visitors and traffic at the residence during the past month or so.

**** Note the two photos... the upper photo was taken in Hollywood in the early 80's; the lower photo, a recent clandestine shot taken only a few days ago.  The thirty years between photos is evident – the  Coneheads are aging and their most pronounced features have receded; however, note their smooth and shining spheres! ****

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Coneheads, Hollywood - circa 1983

Also suspicious has been the greater volume of recent takeoffs and landings of private jets at Centennial Airport, in addition to the higher revenues flowing into local Asian food stores.  Unidentified sources have disclosed a dramatic increase in wig sales at several local retail shops.  Police are now attempting to piece these seemingly unrelated leads together.  

Late last night, when it appeared that reporters would finally be allowed to interview the just-discovered trio, Denver Police suddenly appeared, blocked all streets, surrounded the house, and arrested and booked one unidentified male who also lives at the same residence. 

Police Chief O’Malley would not disclose the arrested man’s identification, but did comment the police have had the man under surveillance for several months.  It is presently alleged – but unconfirmed – the arrested man, who works as a program developer at a local company, has been practicing as a barber without either a state license or a barber’s chair. 

Coneheads, Colorado style - 2011

And, as incredible as it sounds, the police also strongly hinted the arrested person was recorded last winter operating a snowblower with an expired license... this definitely sounds like a daredevil living right on the edge.  Chief O’Malley said he was delighted to be taking down such an infamous suspect, a man who often wears a colored bandana as a sign of his rebellion.  The Chief continued, “We’ve got to show these under-the-radar operators that we mean business!  No more Mr. Nice Guy, no more dull lawn mower blades, no more broken sprinkler heads, no more disconnected downspouts.  We’re crackin’ down!  Book ‘em Dan-o.”  

The Chief continued, "This is the same caliber of fellow who would irresponsibly, and I will add illegally, tear 'Do Not Remove' signs off pillows, mattresses, and other furniture pieces... this 'perp' likes to push the limits!"  Apparently this hardline Chief means business.

On Sunday morning, the Centennial residence was quiet and for the neighborhood a uneasy sense of normalcy had returned… but neighbors are understandably edgy after last evening’s revelations in this normally serene community.  

Local resident, senior citizen, Wal-Mart greeter par excellence, and noted wine sommelier Mildred Goodbody said “You never really know what’s going on nowadays.  I always check my barber’s license for authenticity, and may I suggest the Cutler Creek 2010 Chardonnay.”  Yo Mama… good observation, Mildred.